Maine

Prologue

To catch everyone who doesn’t work with me up, I am going to insert a prologue that spans the past month to provide context for part of my day today. On June 6th, we had our last day of school with students. Then, on the 7th, we had commencement and students moved out of the dorm. During these two days, I developed a cough. Saturday, I was exhausted and went to bed at 7:30 pm, woke up around 2 am with a headache, so I drank some water, took something for it, and put a hot washcloth on my neck and forehead, then returned to sleep. I woke up around 9, took a nap around noon, and then went to bed around 8. That following week, we had closing meetings. Every day I had a bit of down time, so I took a nap. When I was awake, I was coughing uncontrollably. I looked it up, and the internet said that if it’s just a cough, ride it out for two weeks, and it should get better. And as the week progressed, I felt better. The cough lessened. I was able to breathe more normally than during the early parts of that week. After our closing meetings, once summer truly began, I took a week and rested. I didn’t leave my apartment whatsoever. Again, my cough was subsiding… As a result, I decided that I needed to get out of Southborough and embark on an adventure. I planned this trip, so I could camp and be in nature. If I was feeling better, I probably would have left the Friday we were done working, but I am grateful I gave myself a week to get better. My prologue is mostly to build up the cough portion of my health, but the last few days, I sat wonky on my couch and hurt my back and abdominal muscles. They really don’t lie when they say that you weirdly start hurting in your thirties. Anyways, I guess this is where the prologue ends and my adventures today begin.

Day One - June 24, 2025

Last night, I was trying to sleep, but I enjoy moving around in my sleep, and I LOVE sleeping on my stomach, but with my aches, I was waking up because I was in pain and uncomfortable because I was sleeping on my back. I was going to go to the gym, but I went last night, and I think it upset my side, so I decided to cancel and sleep in a little bit longer. When I woke up, I took a shower and followed my to do list of items that had to be completed before I left. I ate my breakfast of pancakes and bacon leftover from my dinner last night, and I headed downstairs with my three trips worth of items. I had some lettuce in my fridge leftover from dinners earlier in the week and some wrapping paper I had borrowed from Zoë, so after my car was filled, I stopped by the Townsend house to deliver the items and check in with my friend whom I hadn’t seen in a week. When she heard my cough, she scolded me that it sounded bad. My rebuke was that the internet said once we hit three weeks, we should be concerned. She layed off. (I am not going to lie, layed and laid are two words that I don’t know the difference between… Bad English teacher moment. Maybe one day I will teach the homophones, and then I will learn the difference. Until then, I will put one in the sentence and trust that you as my reader are intelligent enough to understand the context.) However, during my drive, she texted me about a favor, and I called her to talk about it, and when I was coughing through the call, she encouraged me to go to urgent care. 

Eventually I needed to stop for gas, and when I did, I looked up a nearby urgent care. There was a clinic right down the road, so I decided to stop in. It was absolutely dead. The woman who checked me in was clearly new, and the other two people, bored out of their minds, sat patiently and helped her through the process. I think this check in was the item that took the longest to complete. Also, it’s really weird that I was asked to provide a religion. Is there a reason for this or am I being paranoid about the state of our political landscape that makes me feel like not answering or providing the wrong answer is going to come back to haunt me? Only time will tell. After I checked in, I went with a CNA to get my vitals. She also asked me about my religion. This is why it feels really weird. She mentioned it was because I had never been a patient there before that I was asked some of the questions. Once she checked me in, I went into another room, and the tech was there within a minute. She didn’t add much to what the other person did. Then, the doctor came in to see me. She listened to my lungs, and she said she didn’t hear any fluid in them, but she would have x-rays taken. Immediately, the x-ray person came to get me, and we went into the next room over. He took a photo of my back, and then he had me turn to my side, but the side photo came out blurry, so we had to take it again. Once he was finished, I was taken back to the previous room, and I sat for maybe ten minutes. The doctor came back in and gave me a script for a steroid because she didn’t think it was pneumonia. When I got to the CVS around the corner to pick up the script, they called me and said that I didn’t need the steroid because the x-ray tech found pneumonia in my lungs. She sent over a script for some antibiotics. While I waited, I found a probiotic, courtesy of the pharmacist, as I was told that the prescriptions will probably upset my tummy. Once I got in my car, I tore open my new purchases (except for the probiotic) and swallowed them with water. I remembered I packed granola bars, so I ate one, as a snack slash lunch slash pre-dinner… I mean it was about 4 pm. 

After this side-trek, I finished the one and a half hours left in my drive to Bar Harbor. As I mentioned in the prologue, I decided I wanted to do some camping. I LOVE sleeping in my car and road tripping, and it has been far too long since I have done this. HOWEVER, when I planned the trip, it was a sixty degree week. Everything seemed so cold and perfect for camping! NOW, here it is, a million degrees and I regret my decision to leave air conditioning. During my entire drive, my car read that it was 100*. Once I got to Bar Harbor, it luckily dropped to 88*. The man who stopped me to give me directions for how to check in laughed about how hot it was, and I quipped that it was a reprieve from the 100* left behind. Once inside the building to check in for my campsite, the two women behind the counter were prepared thanks to the radio warning they had from the man. They had a map to my campsite and over explained how to get to my site. They pointed at the map, and out the window, and she drew a sharpie on the map to really emphasize the road to take and not to take. She also went into great detail about how the bathrooms are super close to my campsite and where I can shower. Obviously, you have to pay to shower. Once she finished, I followed the map and journeyed the not so difficult path to my site, parked my car, and made a game plan. First, I needed to use the bathroom before I could do anything else. Then, I searched for restaurants nearby. I decided I wanted something with a view of the water, and I made a choice on a restaurant. 

In Stephanie fashion, I drove by the restaurant and panicked about whether I should turn around or go somewhere else. I followed the road and took in the scenery and the other options. I saw a sign for a tiki bar, and I contemplated stopping, but I had already driven past it and had the same conundrum of what to do. I kept driving until I came to downtown Bar Harbor. Tourists are the worst. They kept walking into the road arrogantly, knowing cars will stop for pedestrians. At least one of the wives, who was sitting on a bench, scolded her husband and turned to wave me a thanks for not hitting him. She’s welcome that I am not looking for jail-time and believe in being the good in humanity. Once I got my fill of the overcrowded downtown, I pulled over and made a real decision. I saw that I could make a reservation for the first restaurant online, so I made one that was perfectly timed for me to drive there. The restaurant did not have air conditioning but rather the slowest moving fans in the entire planet. It was so hot and miserable, but I made a commitment, and I was sticking to it. I was seated at a window table that overlooked the water and forest. Since I am on the antibiotics, this is now an alcohol free vacation. I didn’t realize how much I enjoy a drink with dinner at restaurants until today. I remember turning 21 and consistently ordering drinks with dinner with my friends, and someone said that they thought the novelty would wear off and the cost would become a deterrent. However, it really hasn’t. (I want to note that I truly do not have a drinking problem or need to drink alcohol. I go without alcohol regularly, and it’s not a loss or a problem. There’s a larger conversation to be had about our culture and alcohol as the rule, not the exception.) Once I realized that I wasn’t going to order a drink, I looked at the mocktail section of the menu, which is a growing trend, and I ordered a blueberry and ginger beer drink. There is something about ginger beer that my taste buds love. It is a weird flavor, and I am obsessed with it. I think that this is something I will continue to consider moving forward because it gave me the same satisfaction as drinking an alcoholic beverage, as it was a fun drink reserved for eating out, and ultimately, when you’re having a drink with dinner, the point isn’t to get drunk. 

For dinner, I decided that when in Maine, order lobster, and I looked over the lobster options. Again, when something is new, I don’t always know what to do. On the Alaskan cruise, our server decided that Elizabeth and I were going to get lobster on our behalf and the menu was only lobster tail. (Link is attached if you want additional reading.) This menu was much more complicated with the options, but there was lobster mac and cheese. Mac and cheese is a feel good food. Homemade mac and cheese is obviously superior to boxed kinds, but I also am not picky at that. I have had lobster mac and cheese before, so it felt like a safe bet. And Oh My Goodness, it was delightful!  It was the perfect amount of cheesy. There was a bit of a crunchy layer on top, but it was more cheese than breadcrumbs (normally, I am not a breadcrumb person, but they didn’t overdo it, so it was actually surprisingly delicious!).  I wasn’t extremely hungry and the skillet they brought over had so much to it. I quickly knew my plan had to be to prioritize the lobster pieces because we all know that the $40 cost wasn’t the cheese and noodle portion. Plus, there’s no world in which I would bring leftovers with me when I am camping without a cooler or microwave. 

After dinner, I stopped at a gas station for a water and gatorade to stay hydrated. When I pulled in, there was another car that pulled in with the driver wearing Red Socks merch. I really wish there was a call and response for states in the same way Michigan State has the “Go Green!” “Go White!” Call and response when you see someone wearing their clothing. That man has no clue that I am a fellow Massachusettan! Although I prefer Massachusan. You may also be familiar with Masshole. (I know Deb is reading this thinking that I am trying to make fetch happen because the only proper way to say it is “a person who lives in Massachusetts”, but I will prevail!) Anyways, I got back to my campsite and got my situation together. I am sweating profusely and I am curious how the night will go. Apparently, it’s supposed to “cool off” and be 70* tonight. I am thinking about the night I slept in my car in Ohio when it was snowing, and I don’t know if this is better or worse than that. At least I have a little fan to hang over me and bring some reprieve to the warmth. No matter which way you slice it, I am sitting under the stars and listening to the trees sway in the distance. I am breathing fresh air, and I am out on an adventure. Good night, my friends! Let’s all hope that these meds continue to work their magic and I am a brand new person tomorrow. (Because I do feel much better with the one dose I’ve taken so far.) 

P.S. I read The Sunrise on the Reaping on Sunday, and if you’re a fan of The Hunger Games, you should enjoy it. I brought another book to physically read, and I am listening to The Amalfi Curse by Sarah Penner. I LOVED The Lost Apothecary and enjoyed London Seance Society. If I finish the novel before the end of the trip, I will let you know if you should read it. 

Day Two - June 25, 2025

I know it’s probably not that shocking, but I didn’t sleep super great. I played around with the fan’s location to see if it changed the miserable heat, and once I found the best placement, I left it to attempt to cool me down. Even with my windows down in the back (with little nets covering them to prevent bugs from entering), there was no breeze to make it more bearable. Plus, I had to sleep on my back because I think the cool air on my face and my breath not being caught by the armrest were keeping me as cool as I was going to get. I genuinely don’t know how much sleep I got, but at one point, I woke up because I was getting chilly and had to turn the fan off. (For the record, I slept on top of my sleeping bag and then once I was cold, with my side still being sore, I was unable to really dislodge it from under me to use. That chilly time did not last long, and I woke up to the choking heat.) Tonight I will plan better. I might also play around with the way I park my car. This morning, when I woke up around 8, I was thinking about how much cooler it was outside versus the inside of my car. It made me question if I could sleep outside like the time Natalie (my cousin who is the same age as me) and I slept outside at Sleeper State Park during our yearly visit when we were 14. Neither of us was allowed to use our sleeping bags because they could get dewy and gross, so we wore sweatpants and sweatshirts, and we “slept” on the zero gravity chairs. It got so cold that I had to take towels and random items off the clothes line to try and stay warm. Whenever I looked over, she looked fast asleep, and I was irritated that she could be sleeping so well when I was miserable! In the morning, we discussed the events of the night, and we both had the same perception that the other was sleeping through the night and we were the one being dramatic. As a result, we made it through the night because we were on a mission to not ruin the experience for the other. If I had a zero gravity chair with me, this would be my potential plan for tonight, but I don’t, so wish me luck with the heat and figuring out a better method for staying cool. 

After I got up, I got ready. I organized my belongings and took my meds for the day. I quickly looked up hikes to go on, and I made a choice that I will admit was not well planned. I didn’t look at the difficulty or have a real heart to heart with myself about my health. Once I made the plan of where I was going, I got in my car, found a coffee shop on the way, and headed out on my adventure. The coffee shop I went to was called Choco-latte, and they had an item on their menu with the same name. I decided to go for it. It was delicious. Apparently it was made with a chocolate syrup they made, and it had cinnamon and ginger. It was delicious! From there, I followed the GPS to Acadia to get my hiking on! 

When I arrived at the park, I followed the many many cars and trucks as they navigated the available parking, which was mostly on the right hand side of the street, turning the two lane road down to one. I tried to find parking in the little lots, and I struck out many times until finally I found a lot that was mostly empty. When I got out of the car, I followed the signs to the trail that the internet told me about. I began on my trek up the rocks and sketchy layout. It was super hot again today, so I was dripping in sweat. Literally. It was dropping off my face, and I had to wipe it off because my face was covered in sweat. Then, I looked up the map to see how far into the trail I was to determine if I could finish the trail that I was embarking upon, if I would need to push through no matter what, or if I needed to turn around. I am grateful for the level of honesty I have with myself because while this was a one way trail, I was able to turn around at a point where I was able to make it back safely. As I walked back to the entrance of the trail, I was disappointed in myself, but I realized that 1) I have pneumonia that is under treatment, so I am not at my full capability and 2) I have hardly gone to the gym this month because of the effects of the aforementioned pneumonia, so I am not at my full capability. It is disappointing to be in a place where it’s meant to hike and be active and feel like you’re unable to participate fully. Especially since I have a deep love for being active and planned this trip with that as the plan. However, it is the reality of the situation, and I will need to modify my expectations for myself and the trip. I can always come back and enjoy these things in the future, but I am glad that I listened to myself and made a smart choice in not finishing the trail. I’ve also learned a lesson to do further research when the internet says to do something. (Under normal circumstances, I would have been okay and enjoyed the hike. It’s why I didn’t question it.) 

After the hike, I drove around for a bit. I didn’t have service, so I trusted the road to lead the way. I knew that I needed to stop for more beverages, but I was also hungry. I decided to head to Bar Harbor and get some food and maybe do some shopping. Let me tell you, I regret this decision. I arrived to Bar Harbor around 12 something. I really wasn’t keeping track, and now, it’s probably for the best, so I don’t realize how much time I wasted. The parking is either kiosk or permit. I circled around and around the town, trying to find something open and available, until I finally became so peeved, I drove away. I found a random cafe that had parking because it wasn’t in the hell-hole of the downtown, and I walked inside. I looked at their lunch menu, which included three sandwich options, and I chose an Italian sandwich. I didn’t think to ask what was on it because I assumed it would be normal Italian sandwich things. Maybe some salami and ham and cheese and lettuce. Maybe some banana peppers if they were feeling crazy. Probably some tomato slices, which I knew I could easily pick off. HA! I WISH! It had salami, cheese, and some other salami looking meat. It had olives, along with cherry tomatoes and green peppers. All of which were chopped into tiny cubes. I think my brain is blacking out some other veggie that was also finely chopped up. (For the record, I hate tomatoes and olives, so they were removed immediately.) Then, it was on a sweeter roll, kind of like a Hawaiian one but sub sized. I kept eating the sandwich, trying to make adjustments, not quite figuring out what was so wrong about it. It was disgusting, and after the misadventures of downtown and my hungriness that was feeding into the irritation, I left disgruntled. 

In order to adjust my mood, I came back to my campsite to write about the morning so far to give me a break from trying to figure out and plan things to do. It was also really hot, and I learned my lesson about the hiking this morning, so I wanted it to cool down a bit before venturing out again. Sitting in trees away from people, I was able to readjust my attitude.

At my campsite, I looked into some things I could potentially do tomorrow. Maybe kayaking?!?! Maybe (and probably) not. I found where my next campsite is for tomorrow night, and I decided to do a few more things at Acadia today in case I decided to venture out tomorrow and do other things in other places. I looked up available tickets for Cadillac Mountain, and I noticed that I could purchase tickets for a time that would accommodate my leaving that moment. I drove up the mountain and was mesmerized by the view. It’s funny to me that I have been on other mountains in other places with similar views, but I am constantly in awe of nature. It’s always new, even if it’s the exact same thing. I drove to the end of the drive, and I parked my car and wandered around for a little bit. There were a lot of people there. When I had come up, I had noticed another parking lot, and I was saving it for my return down the mountain. There were two other cars when I parked mine, but one of the couples was heading back to the car. I wandered down the rocks as far as I could go, and then turned around to come back towards my car. When I got back to the main part, I realized I was alone and sat down. I stared out at the mountains in the distance and the water, and I enjoyed the moment I was given. It made me reflect on a lot of things, as nature tends to have us do. After multiple reflective moments, I went to my car to get my journal to write some of the things that have been orbiting in my mind lately. 

The past year of my life has been very hard. It’s hard to move and adjust to a new way of life. It’s hard to leave behind everyone and everything you have known for something so completely unlike everyone and everything you have come from. (In both the best and worst ways!) It’s hard to say goodbye to versions of yourself, even if they don’t fit you anymore. It’s hard to trust that you are doing the right thing and are in the right places and are following the right paths. It’s especially hard to do when most people think you’re making a mistake, so you feel like you have to swallow it all to not prove them right. 

Don’t get me wrong. I am extremely happy and grateful for this new life. I feel free to be a more authentic version of myself and find the people who fit and support and love me in ways that I haven’t had before. I am adventuring in new places instead of driving the same path to the same places, over and over again, hoping to find someone new or something new and different to experience. I am afforded a lot of luxuries, such as my many trips this year and replenishing my savings that I consumed when I detoured in 2022 and paying out of pocket/down my student loans. I have made a new family (or really been adopted into a few). On top of all of this, I know that there are growth opportunities in the future for myself and my surroundings as I sink further into the environment where I am. There are so many more possibilities and potential outcomes here than I ever felt in Michigan. It’s funny. There’s a road here that I have passed more than once called Michigan Ave. It has a dead end sign. Every time I have passed it, I have chuckled to myself that it felt right and fitting that it would be a dead end. That’s what it felt like and still feels like.

Sorry if I have written something similar before. I feel reflective, especially because an entire school year has gone by and it’s nearly a year since I moved. I am processing. Being a human is weird. 

Once other people found my spot, it didn’t feel so special anymore, so I decided to leave for Jordan Pond. It was absolutely breathtaking. I walked part of the way around the pond, which was a much easier path than the one I attempted this morning. It was a simple path that wandered around the water. I wanted to keep going, but I didn’t want to push it too hard, and it was close to dinner time, so I decided to wander back towards my car. However, I got distracted by the beauty and kept adding detours to my trip and wandered to the Jordan Pond House, which is a restaurant. I decided that I would go there because it was close and easier than trying to navigate everything. When I went inside, the hostess and I started chatting as the other went to see about an open table, and we bonded over our love of Tim Hortons. She is from Buffalo originally and works here seasonally. I had told her I was originally from Michigan and encouraged her to look up Mackinac for some seasonal work. She told me she already had done the research and was contemplating it when she ended up coming here instead. As I left her, she said that she would try to do it next year. 

I was seated at a table, and I was provided a pitcher of water. For those worried about my hydration levels, don’t worry. I drank the whole thing, and I ordered a non-alcoholic mojito with blueberries. I love that Maine is one of the largest producers of blueberries, which is one of the few facts I remember from my geography of agriculture class I took in college. I also ordered a blueberry BBQ sandwich. When I was nervous about it, I was told it’s not very blueberry and should try it. I would agree. It was pretty good. Nothing to write home about, but I also didn’t expect it to be the best thing I’ve ever consumed. 

Once finished, I thought about Beth’s recommendation for a well-known ice cream place. I looked it up, and you guessed it. Heart of downtown. I skeptically headed there, knowing I wouldn’t get parking, and sure enough, there was no parking. Instead of attempting to stop, I headed towards the campground, knowing there was another place on the drive. When I pulled in, a man and his family was walking to the car. He pointed at his spot and offered it to me, and then he blocked another car from being able to snatch it. Thank you, sir, for being a beacon of luck and hope that I needed. I ordered chocolate peanut butter ice cream with hot fudge on top. It was the saddest hot fudge I have ever seen, as it was two visible circles around the top of the ice cream. It made me chuckle, but as Gary (my former boss from Custard) always said, “If the worst thing about your day is that your ice cream is messed up, then you’ve had a pretty good day!”

Upon returning to the campground, I stopped at the front desk to get some quarters. I wasn’t planning on showering during my time here, but after the sweaty day I had, I knew I could spare the two quarters for 7 minutes. I also purchased two postcards. When I was checking out, the women at the counter chuckled at my “Too Clumsy for Fragile Masculinity” shirt. I went back to my campsite to organize my car. The plan for tonight is my sleeping bag is open, so I can turn it into a blanket if I can get one side free during the night if I get chilly. It feels cooler than it was yesterday, and there is a wind blowing. My hope is high that tonight I will sleep a little better than last night. There’s also the added bonus of the fresh air and my busy day that I am optimistic will force me asleep. I also feel my shower soothed me a bit. With that, I am calling it a day. I will finish getting ready for bed and slip into my makeshift bed. I am excited to see whatever tomorrow has coming for it.

Random things that don’t fit in other places:

1. Pro-tip: tinted sunscreen is not meant for days when you will be sweating. It is meant for days where you will be sitting nicely inside or during the cold months when you need some protection. Clearly, I underestimated it and ended up having a mess that I rubbed all over my shirt because I was so gross.

2. I had a coughing fit earlier. Lots of phlegm, but I think that's a sign that the meds are working, and I am optimistic that we are going to have continued improvement. 

Day Three - June 26, 2025

Today I don't have access to wifi, so I am typing this off my phone. I am angry. I hate typing things on my phone. Whenever I have something long to send someone, I send them a voice message of some sort because it's easier than typing and fighting the evil autocorrect that continues to get worse and worse, even though technology is supposed to be advancing. 

Last night was amazing! The temperature was a bearable one, and I slept with the windows down and the fan going so it would circulate the air. I used my sleeping bag as a blanket, and I slept fairly well. What I love about car camping (as well as hate) is that I wake up with the sun as my alarm clock, so at about 8, I was up and prepared to take on the day. I sat in my cozy bed and made a plan for my day. The first thing I did was I looked up easy hikes to complete in the Bar Harbor half of Acadia. When I looked up my next campsite, it was an hour away, which confused me because it was an option on the Acadia National Park website. Clearly I didn't look it up before booking it, but it has turned out to be a happy accident. 

Before leaving Bar Harbor, I decided upon the Jesup Path. It was a boardwalk trail that was pretty much meant for one hiker at a time. Once I got to the end of the path, I noticed a garden, and I walked around. There was also this monument nearby that said it was a spring. I am really confused about the building and the water within it. I should probably research it and learn more about it. Without the knowledge, it looked like stale water breeding algae and fungus. Since the path was short, I decided to try my luck on another hike. Again, I really don’t believe in researching things before committing. This new path included a rock staircase that was headed towards a mountain peak. Loving good views and thinking it was only a mile hike, I embarked upon the path. Along the way, I kept pausing to take in the breathtaking views of ocean and mountain and trees. Once I reached the top, I saw a post that said it was another mile to the top. At that point, I decided that I shouldn't add another mile to the peak and another mile back from the peak (and whatever other detours probably would be added because apparently who knows what the mile signs actually mean) and the remaining mile or so of the original path, and I decided to follow the staircase as its loop descended back to the ground. From there, I headed to my car and out of Bar Harbor for the next leg of the journey.

Since my campsite was an hour away and I could check in at noon, I decided that it would be a good idea to head there and see what existed in Winter Harbor (or Schoodic). I saw online that there was a scenic byway, and I followed that to my campground. Along the way, I stopped at a deli/market and got a sandwich for lunch. It was an Italian sandwich, and it was exactly what I wanted yesterday's sandwich to be. It had ham and salami and pepperoni. I could add the veggies of my choice, so I loaded up on lettuce and onion and pickles. He added oil and vinegar and some Italian seasoning to it. I also purchased a Diet Dr. Pepper. I sat in my car and ate my sandwich and enjoyed my beverage, appreciating the two things that satisfied my cravings. 

When I checked in, the ranger was kind in giving me advice on what to do with my day. She recommended a place to park and a path to take up to a nice view. Since I didn’t finish the hike from this morning and having replenished my reserves, I followed her recommended trail. On the way up, there was a series of roots that served as foot holds. I made my way to the top and walked to the outlook points. Since I was the only person at the outlook, I decided to try my hand at taking a timed photo. It went terribly. I either counted wrong and picked up my phone when there were still seconds left to the picture or I was blinking or I was moving. Finally, I got a photo that fulfilled the intended purpose. I was standing there with a scenic backdrop. It's funny how we perceive our bodies because I looked at my photo and felt self-conscious. However, whenever I don't look at photos or in the mirror, and I am rubbing my various body parts, like my legs or my arms, I am amazed at the muscles I feel and have worked to obtain. I am an active person, and even without that, I logically know that my body is not one I would fault or judge someone else for having. It's a thought I have often, especially at the gym as I look at the many different body shapes and sizes. There is not a single other person I judge for their body type and style, and yet I judge myself. I think we all do. It brought to mind two separate things. One is Sophia Bush from my favorite TV drama growing up, One Tree Hill. In the rewatch podcast, Drama Queens, they have discussed the story line of “zero is not a size,” and she has shared facts of how the sizing method that exists now is one that came as a result of women's rights. It made it so that the most valuable thing a woman can be is nothing. It's a weird standard that we still adhere to. The other is Elise Loehnen's book called On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to be Good. In the book, she discusses how the seven deadly sins have been used by our Christian, patriarchal society to control women. In the book, she discusses how there's a morality that we tie to our weight (and other habits). I guess what I'm saying is I don't want to be self-conscious or mean to myself, and I am still unpacking all of that, as I'm sure we all will throughout the course of our lives. I don't like my worth or morality to be tied to my weight. I don't want to feel badly because of the genetic hand I was dealt and the way my body changes as I get older. As a result, I didn’t delete the photo, and I will post it on social media because I do like my body. My soul chose this one to be mine for this lifetime. I should respect myself (my soul) and my (soul's) decision and take the lessons that come with it. 

Coming down the mountain was quite an adventure. There were many steep areas, where I sat and scooted down because I was worried I would land on my foot incorrectly if I didn't. Recently, I sent my friend Megan a video with a caption “When you're clumsy, but you love hiking” and the video was the ground, the ground, the ground, and then every so often a pan of the scenery with “so pretty!” That is always me, but it was especially me today in that half of the hike. I kept losing the trail markers as well, and I had to plan my path/find the markers and make sure it made logical sense before embarking because this girl was not getting lost in the woods. 

After arriving to my car, I headed back to my campsite. I pulled in, and the man in the campsite diagonally from me asked if I was from Michigan. He saw my sticker on my car, and when I said I was, he shared that he and his wife are from there as well. They have a similar sticker on their car. We joked that Maine feels just like Michigan, except it has the ocean. I said that it felt like “up north” and this is where people just go to vacation (like it is in Michigan), and he shared that he is from “up north” and then followed up that he's from near Traverse City. His wife is from Kalamazoo, and they both went to Western. I shared that I was from southeast Michigan, between Detroit and Port Huron, more associated with Port Huron than Detroit. He said I was the first person he has met from Michigan who has identified as coming from Port Huron. Some background information for anyone not familiar, I worked there for four years, and I have a lovely connection to the place. People who are from outside of it tend to have a negative perception of it. It is one of the more diverse areas, especially considering the predominantly white small towns that are surrounding it. There is an association of drugs, specifically heroin. It has generations of poverty. I don't know how to explain the good side of it, but there's not an obsession with wealth or race or ability or sexuality. I mean, there is always some of that wherever people exist because we live in a society that has othered some of these identities, but, I had students of all these various backgrounds and they coexisted and people weren't afraid (for the most part) to be their authentic selves as a result. I am grateful to know this good side of it, and I swear the PH people I know wear that like a badge of honor. (And if you're a former student reading this, you will in time.) It’s also the place that taught me a lot of lessons, and I am grateful for everyone I met during my time there and everything that happened when I was associated with it. I will always love the many memories I have there because it has been the foundation for who I am, who I want to be, and what I want out of life. It served as a pivotal experience, and there is definitely a before PH and an after PH version of myself that exists. I am proud of how it’s shaped me - both personally and professionally.

After our conversation, I went to dinner. I sat down, and someone came over to get my drink order. They didn’t have mocktails on the menu, so I asked if they could make me something, and it could be a surprise. She said she could do that. A few minutes passed and another waitress came to get my drink order. She didn't realize I had been helped by the bartender. I ordered a burger off their limited menu, and I listened to the table nearby. There was a married couple and their single male friend. They were in their sixties, I would say. He was telling them about his various love connections and why he was single. I wasn’t completely tuned in, but I kept randomly listening and registered that he was talking about a different woman and the “failed” attempt at finding a partner. I've gone on a few side quests in today's writing, and I am trying to refrain from adding another. There's a weird societal need for couplings, and we also have a weird societal judgment when a relationship “fails”. I think a lot of people settle for relationships with people who aren't their true match because it's too heartbreaking to be single and perceived as not enough or lovable or whatever it is that we think when we see single people. Everyone is quick to try to partner you up, but it's hard to find someone who is compatible with you. It is both freeing and lonely to be single. To want companionship yet not have it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying your own company and not filling the space with someone else. But I think we all have a need for connection. A person to rely on and turn to when you need someone. However, I know a lot of coupled people who don't have that. Being with someone romantically doesn’t mean you get happiness or companionship. They're not equal to each other or mutually exclusive. To that man, I hope you're happy in your company and freedom. If you're seeking love and companionship, I hope you find it. If you’re content, I hope people don't force you into something you don't want. Maybe this is a note to myself. It is okay to be happy alone and still have a desire to be partnered. There's no rush to fill the space, but it would also be nice to have a person to split the workload and share some of the mental burden of being a human. One day, I hope I find it. Maybe he's my Maine captain with his two teenage daughters, and I have to wait another decade to find the right timing, or maybe it's a surprise waiting to pop in at any random minute of any random day, or maybe it is living a life where I am my one and only priority, making every decision because it best serves me and my goals. Who knows what this lifetime has in store for me. It’s both exciting and nauseating to have to wait for it to unfold. 

Once I returned from dinner, I attempted to make a fire. It went poorly, as I briefly touched an ember. I quickly went to run my hand under water and search up the best way to proceed. My friend from earlier was sitting outside, and I asked if they had some first aid things. He quickly gathered some aloe and some gauze. Before I get a lecture or concern, it is not severe. I will monitor closely, and I will stop at an urgent care tomorrow, so I can update my tetanus shot and have them look at it. (This trip is going to be stupid expensive with all these luxurious excursions I keep adding!) However, it's not very big, and it's not any of the things that the internet said to rush to an ER for. My friend and his wife looked at it, and they shared my sentiment. I gathered up my remaining wood and gave it to them because I am not meant to make fire without adult supervision. I think this settles that I am not Survivor material. There's a reason Jeff Probst passed up on my audition tape when I applied because I was bored and had no plans in life. It was for my best interest. 

Overall, I am glad that I didn't look at the campground and its proximity to the other items earlier because this is a lovely place to be. I highly recommend Schoodic for a day (or longer if you’re okay not having a shower at your campground - there's apparently a place you can pay to shower in town). It's very reminiscent of a Michigan State Park. It's simple and wholesome. The perfect place to sit and relax and enjoy the sounds and sights of nature. It has also cooled off a lot, and it's a perfect camping temperature. The stars are shining brightly, and it is time for me to sleep.

Random things that don't fit in other places:

1. I heard Old Dominion's song “No Hard Feelings” today, and it feels like a call and response from yesterday. Not quite the exact same as what I was sharing, but not too far off. Sometimes it takes time to get over your pain and your heartache, and you keep pushing forward, and you remember that you're still alive and allowed to grieve and let go of the grudges you’re holding onto. This is a reminder to me that this is all a moment in time, and one day, I will look back on this time and all its hardships with rose-colored glasses in the way I wrote about my love of PH. I will see the lessons and be grateful rather than resentful of the hurt that I've experienced during this time. There was a lot of hurt and pain in my PH time period, but there was also unbelievable beauty. That is what life is. A mixture of all the things at once, and we can choose how we approach it. I'm working on my approach. 

2. Again, my call and response for various states would have been helpful for my fellow Michiganders and I to cut to the chase. I saw so many people yesterday in Lions and Tigers merch, and I wasn't able to acknowledge it without starting a conversation. 

3. I wore my “Equal rights for others doesn’t mean fewer rights for you - it's not pie” shirt and received many compliments. It kind of fits some of what I talked about today. There's a very solid belief system I have, and in reading the newest Hunger Games novel, I was thinking about how much Plutarch resonates with me. Your placement in a system shouldn't impact your ability to see the systemic issues and reject it. I am trying to leverage my position in a way that feels kindred to him. I got my crowbar, and I'm preparing so when the time is right, I can do something with it. IYKYK.

Day Four - June 27, 2025

Last night, I slept poorly. I was panicking and paranoid that things were worse than I logically knew them to be. The last I looked at the time, it was somewhere around midnight. Then, I was also trying to sleep gingerly and not cause any harm to my hand and keep it elevated, and I still have my abdominal pain, so I was uncomfortable and miserable with little sleep for the time my eyes were closed. At 5 am, the sun was shining (see - the negative side of that beautiful thing of the sun as an alarm). I attempted to fall back asleep, but I mostly just closed my eyes for a while, until I made a mental plan for the day. Somewhere around 6:30, I decided to get up and start preparing for the day. I packed up the camping things and officially put them away. (The other days, I mostly just rolled them up in an organized way, without putting them in their bags.) I wrote a note to my neighbors to thank them for the help and left it on their table. Then, I moved the things I won’t need for the rest of the trip into the trunk. After getting dressed and ready, I saw it was a good time to begin my thirty to forty minute drive to the urgent care and said goodbye to Acadia. 

Upon arriving at the clinic, I signed in. I put that I wanted a tetanus shot and someone could probably look over my burn. I forget how I wrote it, but the burn was an afterthought and nonchalant. After filling out the paperwork on my phone, I was given a waiting cue for how many people were in front of me - six. Then, after a few minutes, I was removed from the list and there were no people in front of me. To my shock, no one had been brought back. That had to have been a mistake, but the nurse came out and called my name. (Pro-tip: a burn will get you moved to the front of the line. That shit is serious!) When we got in the room, I explained the situation and showed her my hands. They didn’t look too bad, but I could hear all of my concerned loved ones yelling at me to not take a risk. I also didn’t want to contract tetanus and die. With my luck this month, I would contract it or some other rare disease, like I am some poor woman trying to cross the Oregon trail. This is not how I go out. Shortly after, the doctor met with me and looked at my hands. She asked about the pain I have in them, and I said that there isn’t any. Wrong answer. She got out a cotton swab and rubbed it along to make sure I could feel it - which I could - because if I couldn’t, it would be severe damage and alarming. I don’t know if I have a high pain tolerance (which I do) or if my other ailments are distracting my brain from processing it (probably that one), but she determined that it’s okay. She walked me through the care of it, which is simply don’t break it open and it’ll be fine healing on its own, and signs for infection. I asked about the tetanus shot, and she said that this isn’t something she was concerned about at all, but since I didn’t know when I last had one that I should get one and call it good for 10 years. In 2035, I will need to update it. Putting this here, so I hope it reminds me. Mt friends and loved ones, get your shot and stay up to date. Didn’t realize how scary getting soil in your skin is. 

When leaving the office, I saw a drive-thru coffee shop called Aroma Joe’s, so I pulled in because it was going to be a long day with the maybe five hours of sleep. It was really good and reasonably priced. I would go back. Then, I plugged the Coastal Maine Botanical Garden that Christina had recommended I visited into my phone and headed out. (For those who don’t know Christina, we work together, and she is the type of person who takes things seriously. In the sense that you can have a conversation with her, and you won’t think twice about it, but she has action steps and has made you a list or whatever other follow up is needed from the conversation. She gets things done. When planning this trip, she sent me numerous things to check out within minutes of me asking her for recommendations. She’s amazing. Christina, take this as an actual public “Pump Up” ™ that is not unprofesh. Show Jake or Maura for your evaluation. Print it for your file. You’re welcome.) As I listened to music on my drive, a hummingbird (or something that made me think of a hummingbird) caught my eye out the window. I realize that I have seen numerous hummingbird related things on this trip. In the most random ways and places. Hummingbirds remind me of my late Aunt Sue. She is my mom’s sister, and she passed away nearly ten years ago. I took a moment to talk to her about why her presence is following me on this trip. There was a memory that flashed into my brain from when I was a child when I was maybe eight or so years old. She scolded me for doing something that I disagreed with because she was telling me I was being reckless and needed to be more cautious. I tend to side with myself in arguments, and it’s been a long time since this happened, so I don’t remember the context. However, I told her that I hear her scolding me and will be a little more careful during the rest of the trip. I promise to her and you all who are reading this that I will take it easy. I texted my gym to pause my membership. With the burn and the pneumonia (and its other side effects) and my upcoming trip to Michigan, I told them I will be taking the month off. They told me they completely understood and hope I get the rest I need and come back when I am reenergized. I see that I am being forced to rest, even though I am a restless human. My sister and I have a joke where something happens to our body that’s unexpected or just a new way than it was previously, and we go “Welp! This is 30!” or insert whatever age the person talking is. I guess this is 32. We are off to a rough start.

When I arrived to the garden, I changed into shorts and put in my contacts. My eyes were tired, but it was sunny out, and I wanted to wear sunglasses. Before going inside, Zoë called me because my apartment was locked, and she had planned to drop some things off and I had said it was unlocked. (For context, I live in a building that needs a key card to get into, and the people who are going to go into my apartment already have a key. I don’t lock my door when I leave because it makes it more difficult to scurry inside when I get home, especially with groceries. No one is going to steal my things. If they do, they can have them. They’re mostly hand me downs or cheap.) We continued our conversation for a few minutes, where she luckily ran into maintenance, who said he would put the items in my apartment for me. Then, she had to go because she is embarking on her own Maine journey today. (Zoë - I am thinking about how when I stopped by your house before I left, and you gave me the sage, and we laughed because I wouldn’t need sage in Maine. I should have brought the sage. Clearly my life and aura need a good cleansing! June has been quite a month that keeps on giving!) 

After our phone call, I purchased my ticket to wander in the gardens. When inside, I followed a random path that took me by the first troll. People were gathered and taking photos, so I quickly took a shot and hurried away from the crowd. As I walked, I followed the sign post for another one. When I arrived, there was a couple, who I would describe as having an empty nester’s vibe, attempting to take a timed photo. Using my first hand experience from yesterday, I offered to take a photo for them. They happily accepted and offered to do the same for me. I accepted the offer, and when they handed me back my phone, the woman laughed at my shirt and said she loved it. Today, I wore my “Calm Down! It’s Not the Olympics” shirt. I told her that I bought it because my friend Skylar and I joined a volleyball league and the people take it way too seriously. She said that she could relate, as she sees some parents at her (I forget the relation to her - sorry) person’s games, and they’re yelling and upset. I said that games are supposed to be fun. Sports are supposed to be fun. The couple agreed. Then, she said she also took my shirt in a way that says we all need to slow down and not rush through life because we are all too focused on going without enjoying it. Life isn’t a race. Then, we went our separate way.

I started down a path, but I stopped to look at the map I was provided. I wanted to ensure I saw all of the trolls. I had to count them and see how they went with the organization of the place. As I was taking stock, the couple reappeared. The man joked with me about looking at the map, so we began walking together because we talked about the plan to see all the trolls. They were also on their way towards a troll. When we arrived, we took turns taking photos again, and we chatted about where we are from. They’re from the Jersey Shore, and she was saying that something has made this trip weigh on her, as she has had bloody noses and other sinus issues. I joked that she was allergic to Maine, but she said that wasn’t it because this is one of her favorite places. Maybe there’s something in the air this week that is causing all this misery to rain down on us. After this troll, we walked in the same direction, but I decided to change my path away from them because it was at a point where I needed to commit to being in their party or break free, and I felt like my time was up. On my own, I wandered through a fairy garden, looked at a waterfall, and found the remaining trolls. Then, I realized that I was hungry and should eat some food. I went to the cafe because I wasn’t ready to leave completely. When I got to the food options, I was severely disappointed. There was one sandwich option - Italian - and I couldn’t determine what was actually on it. I didn’t want to ruin the memory of my perfect sandwich from yesterday, so I got a turkey wrap from a different line instead. The ingredients: turkey, pickles, and lettuce. That is all. It was not worth the money. It made me think of the times growing up when we were somewhere similar and my mom would make us sandwiches because she wasn’t going to spend that much money on that food. I totally get it now. I would have opted for a good, homemade cooler sandwich over the expensive mediocre one I had today. In addition to the sandwich, I got a ginger brew soda that was “spicy”. Where I come from, ginger ale (particularly Vernors) is meant to cure you from all your ailments. With this trip, I figured it could potentially help clear up my issues. It had a zing from the spice, but it was yummy. I'm hoping that I will be a brand new person once it courses through my veins. Or at least one can hope. 

After my lunch, I followed the remaining paths to see the remaining items, and then I hit my limit of botanical garden. Before I left, two other people commented on my shirt. Clearly it’s a hit. As for the garden, it was a 10/10 experience. For some reason botanical gardens bring me a lot of joy. There’s also a level of sculptures that many of them have that adds to the experience. I have shared before that I am not really into art. Whenever I go to art museums, I am not amused or interested in the artwork. I hardly ever feel like it was a good use of my time. For some reason, sculptures don’t really fit into that, especially when they’re outside and in connection to flowers. I don’t know who decided those rules, but that’s the rules. 

My next stop was also a Christina recommendation. It was the Desert of Maine. I am going to be very kind about it, but I am sorry Christina, this recommendation was less successful than the gardens. It also didn’t help that I am running off of no sleep and have little whimsy in me today. I will say that this would have been really fun with children. I heard a family running around and playing with each other in one of the playground areas, and they had a blast. When I first arrived, my inclination was to compare it to The Mystery Spot in St. Ignace, Michigan, and I do think there is a kindred spirit in them both. They both are a thing you should do once. My favorite aspect of the sand dunes was the historical walk. It was cool to learn about the history of the stop and the ways it came to be. One of the people mentioned talked about their love of nature and outdoors, and when he saw the land with the ecosystem, he knew he wanted to buy it to share with others who would appreciate it. During this trip, I have been thinking a lot about this future version of myself and the project that I think I am cultivating through my life experiences, and I have been thinking a lot about how this future version of me feels like it’s tied to land conservation. As I walked through Acadia and saw the paths carved out of the natural landscape so people can appreciate nature while also being respectful of it has made me curious about how I could do this on a smaller scale or how we could implement it into other areas of our world. How to cut down on our grass mowing and other pollutants of having pristine yards with non-native plants. I think there’s ways to do it, and I don’t know what experiences are waiting for me in the future to bridge this idea in my head to the future project I have, but I see someone like Henry Goldrup, and it makes me think that there’s a way. There’s a vision, and pieces of it are revealing themselves to me, but it’s still unfolding as I am learning about the world and the many different systems that exist within it. Using the tools to dismantle parts of it that don’t serve people and rebuilding for something sustainable and filled with humanity, empathy, and love. I appreciate that this stop gave me some insight. (Sorry I didn’t love it, Christina! I feel bad about it!)

Once I finished my walk through the desert, I headed to my hotel. There’s a janky vibe to it. I don’t know how to explain it more than that. I think it’s being renovated, as the floor I am on has random toilets in the hallway and work equipment. But even aside from that, the workers are wearing very casual clothes and acting unprofessional. I mean, who needs to wear business clothes because it is more of an archaic thing that is dying out, but there is some undetermined element that is missing, causing this to feel like the ice cream shop I worked in that mostly employed teenagers. Not to mention, the woman who checked me in was in training and the person who trained her walked away at some point, so she had to call someone on her cell phone to help her. Once I was situated, I got to my room, and within a minute, there was a knock. Apparently I didn’t sign something when checking in. This place is weird, and it’s stupid expensive to be spending one single night here. All hotels are stupid expensive. I am hoping that tomorrow’s hotel experience is better. (But this is why I prefer my camping method. You go into it knowing that you’re getting the bare minimum.)

After the man left with my paperwork signed, I took off my shoes that were covered and filled with sand. I grabbed out my showering supplies and got into the hot, nay warm, water. My body is tired from the events of the past month and week, and I just let the warmth envelop me. My legs were coated with sand and dirt, and they needed to be scrubbed extra to remove the grime. Once I got out, I decided to put on my birthday dress (the slitty one, yes with an “i”) to go to dinner at the hotel’s nearby restaurant. Zoë has a tendency to dress extra nice and go over the top when she does not feel as such. It’s a fake-it-til-you-make-it sort of building yourself up because you feel poorly. This was the mindset I had in putting on the outfit. Something nice to change the tide. I walked over to the restaurant and sat at the bar. My dinner was fine. Some tater tots filled with bacon and cheese, and a side salad. A comfort sort of meal. Upon completing it, I came back to the hotel to update this journal. I am sitting in my comfy clothes and finishing this with the intention to either turn on the tv and relax or pass out immediately. I am excited to be sleeping in a bed tonight. 

Random things that don’t fit in other places:

1. I typed this entire thing with my finger with the burn on it, so I really am okay and not just saying I am okay. 

Day Five - June 28, 2025

I am updating about the jankiness of the hotel I stayed in last night. When I went to go under the covers, there was a mystery spot on the sheets. It was a deeper color, so who knows if it was chocolate or blood or something else. I immediately went downstairs to ask for new sheets or a new room. The workers asked me to go back to my room, and they would call me with the next steps because they weren’t sure if another room was available. After some time, they called me and told me they would change my room. I quickly threw my things in bags and headed down to the desk and then my new room. I watched Celebrity Family Feud for an episode, and then I went to bed. Around 2 in the morning, I woke up in excruciating pain in my side. I ended up standing up to let gravity move my insides around to try to alleviate the pain. I took some pain meds, put some cream on it, and I looked up some information. The advice I found was to sleep on the pained side. It actually dissipated the pain immediately, and I was able to fall asleep quickly. At 8, I woke up, but I decided to sleep until my 10 am alarm. I got ready and made a plan before my 11 check out time. 

Since it was raining, I really didn’t feel too adventurous. I found a Portland tour van that had open spots for a 12 o’clock tour. The advice on the website was to try to get into town an hour early to secure parking. I did that, and then I looked up coffee places before the tour started. There was one really close by, so I walked to it. When I got there, it was locked and the door said it was closed on the weekend. Interesting choice. I looked up other coffee places, and I saw Holy Donuts was nearby. Christina had mentioned loving it, so I went to follow her recommendation. There was no line, and I ordered a chocolate sea salt donut and drip coffee. The donut was interesting. They are made from potatoes, and you could and could not taste the potato flavoring in it. When I told Christina about it, she said it made sense, but they’re gluten free and are good in comparison to other gluten free things. Fair. At the store, there was a table open, but a family was blocking the single chair. As a result, I put my things on the table and stood at the side of it. While I was standing there, these two women came over to my table. One barreled through the family for the chair and the other took a chair as someone stood up from another table. The one moved my coffee because apparently I was the one being rude. It was very strange. Since they were weird, I grabbed my items and left. 

Finally, it was time for the tour. The man who runs it is a librarian, and he has lived in Portland his whole life. He drove us around the city and provided facts about various places. I will do my best to share some of the items from the tour. Apparently Portland has burned down three times. As a result, it has a symbol of the phoenix. Since the last fire, most of the buildings have been made of fire-resistant granite. The tallest building is 18 stories. There are 69,000 people who live in the city, and 1 in 6 people in Maine work in tourism because it's becoming a booming tourist place. Maine used to be part of Massachusetts. Maine has more coastline than California because its coast curves whereas California’s is straight. Maine has red hot dogs. Like really red. The other day I saw some in a gas station, and I thought they looked weird, but I guess it’s a tradition. Maine has a state dessert (blueberry pie) and a state treat (whoopie pie) because it’s the largest producer of blueberries and it created the whoopie pie and wanted to beat Pennsylvania to claiming they did. Maine is also the founder of donuts, or at least making the hole in the middle of them. Portland, OR is named after Portland, ME, which is named after Portland, England. The name was decided by a flip of a coin. It would have been either Boston, OR or Portland, OR, and in best of three, Portland won! In addition to Maine facts, he also shared that his great great great great (I don't remember how many greats) grandfather is the man depicted on the Minute Man statue in Concord. On the tour, we stopped at multiple lighthouses, and we were able to get out and walk around. He shared that Michigan has the most lighthouses because of all its Great Lakes coast. He also shared some interesting resources to learn more information about what he discussed. Apparently there’s a documentary called The Last Lightkeepers that provides information about how many lighthouses are being auctioned off to private people because there’s not a real need for them anymore. He did the thing that people who love learning do, which is make connections to various things and provide resources to learn more about the topics. I enjoyed the tour enough, and it was nice to do something that was low energy.

After the tour ended, I got lunch. I decided to get some Mediterranean food. I miss my place in Port Huron, and I have been unable to find something similar in Massachusetts. I decided to try it out, and it was good, but the East Coast doesn’t believe in the garlic sauce in the way Mediterranean food in the midwest does. I want to feel and smell like garlic when I am eating Mediterranean food. Anything else feels wrong. I cannot wait to go to Michigan in the next few weeks to get all of the foods I have been missing and craving. I have a list of items from various places. It is going to be amazing. Mediterranean is on that list. Specifically the garlic spread and pita bread. When I left Portland, I went to see a moose and bears made out of chocolate at Len Libby Candies. It was a cute stop, and I was able to sample some of their candies. I didn’t stay long or buy anything. Just saw the chocolate, took some photos, and left. 

Afterwards, I got to my new hotel for the night in Ogunquit. If yesterday’s hotel was janky, today’s is quaint. It’s motel style, and my room feels like a beach bungalow. It wants to be a beach cottage instead of a hotel room. It’s just the vibes I have, but there’s not any real evidence to support my claim. Since the weather is mid and I am laying low, I sat and watched some Big Bang Theory until it was time to eat dinner. I went to a place nearby, and I sat at the bar. The hostess was named Suzie. (See, another connection to my aunt.) I ordered another mocktail, and she offered up a drink that was “some juices mixed together.” I didn’t think to ask what juices and ended with something that clearly had pineapple juice in it. Not for me. I took two sips and called it a day. The adventures in mocktails has proven that more bars should invest in an actual menu of mixed drinks. Even having two or three made a difference because it provided variety without feeling left out. You could also see the ingredients to determine whether or not you would like it. I had to ask if they had mocktails during three of the five meals this week when I “drank”, and for two of those three, the drinks were gross and things I never would have ordered had I known what they were making for me. This isn’t a rallying cry that I am going to run full speed after, but I am on the side that demands more mocktails! It’s an injustice and people deserve drinks that don’t have alcohol but still taste fun and exciting without being a pop/soda. (I don’t like that I contemplated which one to use. In my soul, it is called pop, but a year in, and I feel weird not calling it soda. Dislike that conundrum.) Where the restaurant lacked in mocktails, it made up for in food. This was one of the best meals I have had in a while. I ordered shrimp tacos with coleslaw. The tacos were phenomenal. They had shrimp, some pico, lettuce, and a lime-chipotle style ranch in a corn tortilla. I am not typically a corn tortilla person, but these enhanced the taste and experience. Some of the best shrimp tacos I have ever had. The coleslaw wasn’t anything special, but it tasted the way I like my coleslaw to taste. 

After leaving the restaurant, I drove around for a minute. I drove past two places that had events, and I was sad I didn’t realize earlier because I would have gone to a show. However, it’s okay that I didn’t. I came back to my hotel and organized my items, so I didn’t have to do it in the morning. I journaled for a little bit because I had a vivid dream last night that I wanted to write down. It feels like an omen about some change that could be coming for myself or one of my cousins. It also feels like the universe sent an apology from a situation in my past. Or maybe a preparation for a real one that could be coming my way from a former friend. There’s a long story about a person who used to be my absolute best friend in the world. There was a lot of miscommunication/lack of communication for a long time about part of our friendship that ultimately caused it to shatter, causing a lot of collateral damage for me. Ultimately, I think there’s the possibility for conversations to be had to clarify things and make amends. It’s about timing though, and it’s about people sorting through what wasn’t said and finally putting them to words. Earlier this school year, we had a parent visit day where parents came to watch us teach. I did a lesson about a short story called “All the Colors of Goodbye” by Nafiza Azad in the anthology Come On In. If you’ve never read it, it is one of the most beautiful stories I have ever read. I sobbed reading it because I could relate so much to her saying goodbye to her life. She starts by saying goodbye to these small mundane everyday things, and the story ends with her saying goodbye to her brother, who she might never see again. Heart wrenching things. During the lesson, I had students write about one of their own goodbyes. Then, we had a discussion about both their own experiences and the protagonist’s experiences. One of my students shared that she left her home country and didn’t say goodbye to people who she regrets not saying goodbye to. My advice was that if there’s a way for her to say that goodbye or that thing she needed to say, she should do so. There is no time limit on having conversations and saying things that need to be said. After the class was over, a parent came up to me to say that I brought tears to his eyes with my lesson, and later, his daughter decided to leave our school, so I sent an email before they were removed from the system, so I could say goodbye to her and share my sadness at the loss of her in my class. He gave me the kindest reply that brought tears to my eyes about that lesson and how much he still thinks about it because of the approach and outlook I have and sharing it with young people as they are navigating the world. All of this backstory is to say, in my core, I believe that there is no time limit on saying the things that need to be said. Sometimes we are cowardly and afraid to do so because of the reaction of the other person or we don’t know the truth ourselves or we have to reflect on our decisions and their impacts on others. I don’t think we always get that closure, but I think that we do sometimes. I hope that this person and I are able to reconnect and say all of the things we didn’t say because we were too scared and afraid to be open and honest with ourselves and the other person. I hope that we both have learned lessons and applied them elsewhere because we kept moving forward with our lives and left the other person in the rearview mirror. I hope that this dream becomes a reality because I really, truly, completely love this person, and I miss them all the time, and I am deeply saddened by the way things ended. My dear friends, I hope that if there is something you need someone to know, whether good or bad, that you say it to them. I hope you get your closure and your goodbye that you need. 

I am not sure what tomorrow has in store. I assume I will do something because I have no need to rush home in the morning. For now, I am going to sit on my bed and turn on the tv. I am going to sleep on my pained side and pray that this lung stuff goes away soon. I am grateful I went and got antibiotics this week because at least I am on a road to recovery, even if it doesn’t really feel like it. If you are reading this, I hope you know I am grateful for your existence. I am glad that you are in my life in whatever capacity that is. I am better because of my relationships with those around me, and I hope that my presence makes you feel the same. 

Random things that don’t fit in other places:

1. It has rained every Saturday (except last week) since March.

2. Yesterday, I saw a car with “Lara” on the license plate. I texted a photo to Lara, who was my mentor this past year, and she said that she is on her way to Maine today herself, and she will be on the lookout for a “Stephanie” license plate.

3. In writing these journals, I write and edit them multiple times. I was thinking this feels like a writing exercise in tense and narrative. Maybe there’s a future novel I will write based on my lessons in writing these. Again, I would love these to become something at some point. Maybe something like Mandy Len Catron’s How to Fall in Love With Anyone: a Memoir in Essays. (It’s one of my absolute favorite things to read. I’ve read it at the very least three times.)

4. Today, I saw a man wearing a Michigan State sweater, so I excitedly said “Go Green!” And he and his partner were like “Go White!” And I squealed “Yayy!” because I have FINALLY been able to call and respond to someone after all my talk about it this week! It’s the simple things that bring me so much joy.

Day Six - June 29, 2025

Last night, my cousin Katherine and I were messaging back and forth about the dream and its meaning. She was part of the dream, so we discussed the different elements of the dream and what we think they could mean for one or both of us. We are hoping that the element of change relates to both of us, and we want to find some brotherly, goofy, protective energy that was present in the dream. We finally cut off our conversation around midnight because we needed to go to bed. I am so very appreciative of my relationship with this particular cousin. She has been an unexpected alliance member through the hardship of the last few years. It has been nice to have someone who gets it and embraces the many complex parts of who I am. I hope that she feels it reciprocated. 

I woke up slightly before my 10 am alarm. I took my last two pills of the antibiotics, got ready for the day, and finished packing my car. I ran out of my granola bars, so I decided to find a breakfast place. There was one called Egg & I Pancake and Waffle House. I waited a few minutes, and then I was seated. I ordered some coffee, stuffed french toast with blueberry compote, and bacon. Clearly, when in Maine, you consume all the lobster and blueberries. I think I did a good job of being on theme. Diner coffee always hits the spot, and no breakfast is complete without bacon. The french toast was phenomenal. The perfect amount of sweetness. This is a place that I would go back to. It is reminiscent of a First Watch. 

After breakfast, I drove into town to complete the Marginal Way walk. I found parking in a pay by plate lot. It was $6 per hour, and I decided that if it was about a 1.5 mile walk, I could easily get to the end and back within the hour. The walk was nice, as you followed the cliff along the water. It was a milder version of the Cliff Walk in Newport. People walked very slowly along it, and there were many benches along the route for people to appreciate the ocean. I managed to complete the walk with 10 minutes to spare. Once I left the lot, I decided to go to Perkins Cove, which turned out to be near the end of the walk. I could have extended my stay by an hour and walked around for a bit, but I ended up driving by. When I was leaving the area, I followed random streets, and I drove along the coast. I found Fort McClary, and I stopped to wander around for a few minutes. After that quick stop, I continued with my drive along the coast. It was nice to take the scenic route and take my time in returning. However, once I needed to cross into New Hampshire, I opted for the highway, and I continued to follow it until I got home. My drive was relatively peaceful, as most people are heading north instead of south. Overall, this trip was lovely, despite my many issues. It is necessary to get away and see new things, and I am grateful to be able to afford these luxuries. My next trip will be Michigan, and then who knows what’s next and when. I think New Hampshire will be a fall trip to see the changing colored leaves. But who knows where the next adventure will take me. I am down for recommendations of places I need to visit. 

See You Next Time! I feel like this popped into my head from a cartoon growing up, but I don’t remember which one. Maybe it was a general PBS thing. Anyways, that’s all for now! I hope you enjoyed it. (Edit: this is another Drama Queens reference. It plays at the end of every episode.)