Alaskan Cruise

Day One - June 5, 2023

Our flight was pretty uneventful, except for a man who kept using the aisle as his own personal seat for the duration of the flight. Elizabeth and I kept messaging each other about his quirkiness. The screens were not working for the flight, so I opted to listen to my audiobook Lessons in Chemistry by Bonnie Garmus. This book started off surprising me because it’s set in the 1950s and I initially thought it was going to be a rom com, but I was quickly corrected when a few rather dark blimps popped up. However, as Genna kept reassuring me, it was quite funny and a really riveting story, so I got hooked. I’m about a third of the way done, and I am looking forward to seeing what happens because it’s one of those stories that can honestly go in a bunch of different directions. 

When we landed, we grabbed our bags, and I ordered a Lyft. Leo was waiting for us in Slot 10 and quietly drove us to our Airbnb bedroom. I read the information that was sent earlier in the day, and as I whispered the rules to Elizabeth, such as we had to leave our shoes in the closet because they weren’t allowed in the room, we had to compose our laughter because we are legitimately sleeping in a spare bedroom in someone else’s home. In order to get our luggage in the room, we had to slide the bag in, Elizabeth had to shut the door, and then she could move it to the tiny bit of open space. I asked Elizabeth how she would describe our room, and she said “Well, if I laid down against that wall, I could touch both walls at the same time…. So 5’7” approximately… by maybe 10.” This room is very small. It is mostly just a queen sized bed with a tiny walkway at the foot and one side of the bed.

We ordered food from Chipotle because we were very hungry, but we were also very slap happy, so Elizabeth kept asking for the address and said “we’re on North Nebraska, right?” when our street is 24th. She also keeps asking me if we are allowed to do things. One such question was “Are we allowed to close the blind to the window?” “Are we allowed to ask the neighbor for more water?” We rather quickly decided it was time for bed and attempted to fall asleep in our closet of a bedroom. 

Day Two – June 6, 2023

Elizabeth and I woke up around 6:30 (Pacific) in the morning. We didn’t sleep well, but we decided to get up and get some coffee. We walked to a shop that was about 0.5 miles from our room, but it was up a steep hill. I kept joking that it was reminiscent of our trip to Hawaii and Koko Head (a 1000 railroad step hike up the side of a mountain to an incredible view). On our walk, we passed a very sketchy trail where there were two hoodies laying on the ground. We joked that my GPS was going to take us down that trail, but luckily my phone did not take us on a detour like it usually does. The coffee shop was quaint and nothing super special. 

On the way back to our room, we decided to stop at 7-11 for water and a Diet Dr. Pepper for Elizabeth. When we left, we decided to walk until we could see Seattle’s city line. There was a beach area where when we walked up, someone was taking photos in a speedo, and Elizabeth kept joking that we should do the same. Sadly, we did not, but we did walk up to the water to feel how cold it was. On our way back from the beach, we stopped at a side of the road drive-thru coffee/smoothie/pastry/tea stand, and we ordered the specialty pastry, which was really just coffee cake. Mine was berry, and Elizabeth’s was cinnamon. Hers was much better than mine, so she gave me a little bit of her crumbly top to mix with mine to make it taste better. 

When we got back to our room, we laid down for a minute and then got up to pack. We needed to be out of the room by 11, but we didn’t really have to check in for the cruise until 2. Our car picked us up around 10, and we arrived by 10:30. We turned our luggage in, and then we realized that there really wasn’t any reason or way for us to leave and come back. As a result, we decided to check in early for the cruise. The woman who greeted us to tell us where to go walked with us because she was getting frustrated by the person who had been working next to her because he was taking his job way too seriously and searched someone. When we got through the first stage of checking in, we were told we could not bring our bottles of water or pop onto the boat, so we had to put them into our reusable water bottles because then it was allowed. I don’t really get the cruise rules. While we stood in line to get on the boat, we stopped to take awkward photos, and then we were told we weren’t allowed to board yet because we were H boarding when it was A and B boarding time, so we sat down and people watched. Some of the people were so mad that they were unable to board the ship early and kept being rude to the man giving the directions. He was so snarky back, and it was very entertaining for us to watch as we waited for him to tell us we could board. 

Once we got on the ship, we did the quick debriefing about how to wear a lifejacket, and then we were free to explore the boat. Our room was not ready yet, so we went onto the Lido deck to get food and a drink. On our way to find what we wanted to order, a girl holding a plate with two pieces of bread, one topped with French fries, with a dab of ketchup on the side walked past us. The orange chicken and shrimp spring rolls I grabbed did not measure up to what that girl’s plate consisted of. On top of that, my mango margarita was more coconut than mango, which doesn’t even make sense because there wasn’t any coconut in the drink, so I was very disappointed. But we enjoyed it in the sun, and when we were done eating, we made our way to a cabana at the back of the boat, and we looked out at the mountains in the distance. After a little while, it got hot, and we did not have sunscreen, and the sun moved to a position where it was directly on us, so we decided to walk around the deck to the front, where it was much windier and more enjoyable to stand. Then it was finally time for us to go to our room.

Our luggage had not arrived yet, so Elizabeth and I sat on our balcony (YES, BALCONY!) to stare out at the building where people would board the ship. [I was called the other day to see if I would like to upgrade our room from our one with a window to one with a balcony, and since Elizabeth did not answer her phone when the man called her, I was the one who made the decision to upgrade because it’s my birthday, and I love a good balcony, and I am a bit of a princess when it comes to things like this. Plus, I honestly think Elizabeth would have said no because she originally said we could get a room without a window and that would be okay with her, and I do not know how I can be traveling with a monster who doesn’t care if she can see the ocean! (Again, I am a princess.) Anyways…] 

Finally, our luggage arrived, and I decided to unpack all of my clothes, and I kind of coerced Elizabeth to do the same. (I am someone who enjoys unpacking when they are traveling, so I know what is clean and what is dirty. I know I am a weirdo, but I am who I am.) Once we were done unpacking, we both opened up books and sat on our beds to read. While I looked at Elizabeth’s book cover, one of the last lines was about how the book was a perfect ending to the series, and I asked her if she had read the other books, and she said that Keith purchased the book for her for Christmas, and she had never read any of the other THREE books in the series, but she guesses that if she likes this book, she will have to go back and read the others. 

As we read over the cruise’s itinerary, Elizabeth saw that there was bingo, so we had to make sure that we went to that. We decided to go to dinner at 5:15 to make sure that we would be done by 7, when Bingo opened. For dinner, we ordered calamari to share and our own Caesar salads. The calamari was good, but the dressing for the salad was very fishy and not that enjoyable to consume. My main course was sweet and sour shrimp with a side of rice, and the shrimp part was delicious! Elizabeth ordered salmon, which she enjoyed aside from the potato portion. Finally, for dessert, I ordered Tiramisu, and she ordered the molten lava cake. Both were phenomenal.

At bingo, we got the cards with nine squares to play on, and we took turns daubing off the numbers. We did very poorly, even though I kept joking that we would win the free bingo for the rest of the cruise prize. It was not our lucky night. Once bingo was over, we went to an alcohol tasting “event” where we were able to have two samples of random liquors, and we were given raffle tickets, but we had to wait for forty minutes before the tickets would be pulled. We decided to get a pop while we waited, looked at the photos we had taken earlier in the day, walked around the casino, and then walked around outside the boat. On the walk, we went to the front of the ship, and it was extremely windy. We kept joking that we were going to be blown off the boat because it was a wind tunnel. We quickly made our way back inside to then go back to see if we won the drawing… We did not… (I am determined to win something before this trip is over!) We came back to our room and went out onto the balcony to watch the sun set. Elizabeth decided to go to bed, and I went back outside to write about our adventures from today. 

I cannot believe I am on a cruise about to celebrate my 30th birthday. I feel so grateful to be alive, and I am so excited to see what is coming up next in my life. 29 has been a very difficult and life-changing year in so many ways. It has been the first year of my life since I was a teenager when I did not have a job. It has been the first time that I did not know what I wanted to do. It has also been a time of releasing all the pent-up pain and hurt that I have been holding from so many things. It has been a time of transformation and growth. While I do not fully know who I am at this moment of time, I have shed away the old version of me that no longer fits who I am and who I want to be moving forward. This year has been tremendously difficult for me, and I have struggled through every second of it as I have tried to claw my way out from feeling stuck and uncertain. I still don’t fully know what is next, but I can’t wait for the next phase of my journey to reveal itself. I truly believe in delayed gratification, and I think that this is a year that proves that. 

Day Three – June 7, 2023

My body has no idea what day or what time it is. This morning I woke up at 6:30, which might also be 5:30, which also might be 9:30 depending on what time zone we are considering. We went back another hour last night. Slowly I am adding more and more time to my 20s through this trip. When we woke up, we went to the gym to start our day off. We went on the ellipticals, and I listened to more of Lessons in Chemistry, and OH MY GOSH! THIS BOOK IS AMAZING! I am halfway through, and I have a feeling that it is going to be next to The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry as a top favorite of mine. It is such a beautiful story, and it has that "Great American Novel" feel to it. If I were in a bookstore being asked for a recommendation, this is most definitely the story I would be telling them to get! 

After the gym, we went to get coffee and breakfast. Since I love French toast and bacon, I had to get some of those. Elizabeth got a random muffin, and we decided that we think it was carrot cake, and it was honestly so good that I had to go and get us each another one. After breakfast, we went back to our room and kind of sat around for a bit. Elizabeth put on her bathing suit, intent on going to sit by the pool today. Since it was only 9 am and still chilly out, we decided to sit on the balcony and read for a little while, as we hoped for it to get warmer. Once a little bit of time passed, we decided to go to the pool. We each wore a sweatshirt and shorts with our bathing suits underneath. When we got to the pool, neither one of us took off our sweaters. There was an announcement telling us that tomorrow will have a high of 52*, so we clearly are not going to be having a warm vacation. Multiple people were wearing winter jackets today, and we definitely did not bring enough winter/warm clothes for what we have in store over the next few days. 

After the pool and some more sitting in our room, we ventured to another round of bingo. The room where bingo is played was very intense as more people were there than yesterday. On top of that, the room was very wobbly (I don’t know what I necessarily want to use in the place of wobbly because that’s clearly not what I mean, but in the room, you could feel every bit of the boat’s movement). As a result of the boat’s wobbling, my stomach was not happy. The entirety of the game, I was burping because I had some level of motion sickness. When the game was over, we came back to our room, and I sat for a while on my bed, where I started to feel better, and then I went to get some ginger ale from the bar.

For dinner, it was an elegant dinner, so we took showers and got ready to go to the three-course meal. Today, I ordered a crab cake, which I learned that I am not a fan of, along with a salad for my appetizer, and I had fettuccini alfredo for my main course. (We had cake earlier today with our lunch, so I opted out of dessert). The fettuccini was a little dry and had mushrooms in it, so I didn’t enjoy it very much. Additionally, I was still feeling slightly sick and not very hungry, so I was very wasteful with my food tonight. I feel bad, so I apologize for being wasteful BECAUSE MACDONALDs DO NOT WASTE! 

After dinner, we went to the shop because I decided it was time to get some Dramamine to help subside some of my motion sickness. We also stopped for another ginger ale. Now I am writing this update and my computer says it is 12:04, but I think that where I currently am, it is 7:04 pm. I really am going to struggle to get back into a regular schedule once I am done with this trip. 

Day Four – June 8, 2023

Last night I was able to finally get some sleep, and this morning I slept in a bit. When I woke up, Elizabeth had already gone to get coffee and a muffin, so I got ready, and we went back to get breakfast food. I have been trying to find coffee that is palatable, but it is all super bitter. I tried an Americano and another crème coffee thing, but they were not good, so I decided to drink some hot chocolate instead. After breakfast, we split up because I was extremely tired despite getting a decent amount of sleep last night and therefore was a bit crabby and wanted to be alone to attempt to wake up and be a better companion. Elizabeth went to a lecture about Alaska to learn more about fjords, which we were going to today, and I went to the gym and then sat by the adult pool at the back of the boat to take in the view. From all sides of the boat, you could see mountains. After a little while I came back to the room and took a long nap. Elizabeth woke me up around noon because I needed to see outside because it was too nice for me to miss. 

Over the last few days, I have failed to really mention the view from our balcony, which has been consistently mountains. The coast of Seattle, Canada, and now Alaska all have mountains. Today, our ship went into a strait (? Channel? I will have to look up more information about water because I really don’t know what this should be called) where each side of the boat had a view of a mountain at all parts of the day. Our ship moved quite slowly, so we were able to take in the view from our room. The water was a greenish blue color, and it was very still and calm. There were many waterfalls coming down the side of the mountains. There were also bits (I mean that very loosely because I am sure they are much bigger than they appear from the boat) of ice floating around in the water. At the lecture this morning about Alaskan information, Elizabeth found out that the ice is blue because it has been compacted over thousands of years, so all air bubbles have been removed, making them pure and blue. The way that I can describe the blue ice is for you to imagine your windshield wiper fluid in the hard snow of the winter. It is a very similar color and texture to that. Honestly, the view from today has been breath-takingly gorgeous and hard to describe. All day, we have been somewhere on the boat, taking in the mountainous view. It is all we did today. Today alone has made this cruise well worth the money that I have spent on it. (I wrote an entire paragraph about being in nature and how that makes me feel, but I feel like it’s silly to add here because it doesn’t really fit the writing or vibe of the rest of this, so I am going to delete it, but the views on this trip have been unbelievable and unlike anything else I have ever experienced in my life. It is making me take note of my life and the meaning of it and the value that everything on this planet has. If you have ever had the slightest desire to come to Alaska or go on an Alaskan cruise, you need to. It is so untouched by humanity, and it feels so special to be able to just see it.)

At 6 ish, we decided to go and get dinner. I was absolutely ridiculous and ordered three appetizers. There was fried mozzarella, so I needed to get that. There was roasted broccoli with cheese that I thought was broccoli with cheese on it, but it turned out to be a soup. It was so good, and I don’t typically enjoy soup all that much. Then, there was BBQ pulled wild boar. I thought it was a main course, but it wasn’t, so I asked the server if I was allowed to have that many appetizers. He told me that I was allowed to, and we ended up laughing because I felt obnoxious for ordering so much. In that moment, I think I became his favorite person, and he treated us so well for the rest of our meal (not that any of these servers are rude or would be mean, I just mean that he decided to make sure we were well fed for this meal)! The BBQ pulled wild boar was so delicious, and I am so happy that I ordered it. (I can be adventurous sometimes!) Elizabeth ordered two appetizers (the broccoli soup and a salad, but our server decided she needed to have mozzarella too). When he came around with bread, he left us both two pieces instead of the usual one. For the main course, I ordered fried chicken, and Elizabeth ordered the linguini. Both of our main courses were really good. For dessert, we ordered Bitter n Blanc, but our server also made us mini banana splits to go along with them. The Bitter n Blanc WAS SOOOOOO GOOD! It was like a fresh chocolate chip cookie with a cream topping. I would happily eat this dessert again. 

During dinner, Elizabeth said that she is going to be wearing her cardigan every single day of the trip because all of the shirts she packed were thick strapped tank top style shirts, and she felt like she packed poorly because she brought clothes that were more fitting for a warmer trip than the one we are actually on. I laughed so hard because tomorrow we are going ziplining and Elizabeth did not bring any pants length leggings, only capri length ones, and she does not want to wear her pair of sweatpants in case they get dirty and she can’t wear them for the rest of the trip. My laugh was the one where people all around the room stop what they are doing to figure out who or what could be so funny. But seriously, WE DID NOT PACK RIGHT FOR THIS TRIP! If ever you plan to go on an Alaskan cruise, you need to bring at least one pair of sweatpants. I did not, but I at least brought a pair of pajama pants that I am not actually sleeping in because it is warm enough in our room to wear shorts to sleep. My pajama pants have become my sweatpants but only for our room (although I did wear them to the bar to get a ginger ale yesterday… I clearly am not trying to impress anyone on this trip!). You also need to pack long sleeved shirts. More than one. All of my shirts are short sleeves, so I have to wear a cardigan or sweater with them because it is too cold for just a short-sleeved shirt. Additionally, you should bring at least one heavy duty sweatshirt. I have a three-quarter fleecy zip-up sweater, and it isn’t terrible to wear, but sitting on the balcony in the wind would be nicer if I had something more heavy duty to wear. Many people on this ship brought their winter jackets, and while I feel like that is overkill, it also isn’t dumb to bring winter accessories like gloves or hats. 60* in Alaska is not terrible weather, but clearly we underestimated this trip and what this weather actually means. 

The last thing I want to write for today is that every day I have had some form of a reflection on what turning 30 means to me, and I kind of want to write it and share it because I hope that my perspective might be able to help some other people as they look at their life and journey. I think that I am so excited about being 30 and not feeling stressed about it because I don’t have expectations for my life. Recently, I have been thinking about my future (as one does when they are feeling uncertain and trying to map out what they want), and I realize that my life does not need any certain thing to be meaningful and with purpose. So many people want to have a family and work towards that goal, not always caring about what those decisions mean. What I mean is that sometimes people settle for things and people because they want to check certain boxes because society tells them that those boxes will give them happiness, but I don’t want to live my life around what I SHOULD have. I want to live my life around the things that ACTUALLY bring me joy and happiness, regardless of what others think about my decisions and choices. I want to live my life around what works for me, not what society tells me I need for happiness. At the end of the day, I am the one who has to live with the consequences of my choices, so I am done worrying about other people’s thoughts and feelings about my decisions because I am not living their life and what they find as enjoyable and meaningful is not the same as my perspective on the same things. (I am also trying to take this approach to other people’s life choices because I don’t know what is best for other people. Their life is not my life, so I cannot know what is good for them, and I cannot know what lessons they need to learn in this lifetime. Ultimately, my life is not harmed by other people making choices and taking stands for who they are and what they want and how they choose to go about it.) All of this to say, I have recently decided that I don’t think I necessarily want kids. If I don’t have a child by 35, I am definitely not going to have biological children, and I don’t mean that in a biological clock way where I am rushing to have children in the next five years, but rather in a way that I don’t think my life is any less valuable without children, so I don’t want to put my body through the strain of having a child that late in my life. (No judgment is meant if you want to make a different decision than me. As Amy Poehler says, “Good for you. Not for me.” I do not want to yuck your yum!) However, if I have children, I think I would be an amazing mother, especially because of the lessons I have learned from being a teacher and the lessons I have learned from having the mother that I have had. If I don’t have kids, I will be an amazing aunt to my niblings if my siblings choose to have kids. If my siblings don’t have children or I don’t marry someone who has niblings, my role as a teacher has provided me with the opportunity to be loving and nurturing for people outside of my lineage, and I have become a surrogate mother for some of my students, and I know that as long as I am a teacher, I am a mother-figure and role-model. My life is meaningful and purposeful no matter what type of mothering role I have in the world. On top of that, I would love to find a partner and get married, but I am not going to settle for just anyone. I love myself and find value in my own company. I know my worth and what I want in a partner. I have experienced what it is like to have someone give me a small part of themselves and only take a small part of me, shying away from the difficult emotions and feelings. On the other hand, I have experienced giving my entire personality, both good and bad, to someone and not having them bat their eyes. Being vulnerable and being able to communicate your thoughts and feelings should not be a chore or scary, and I am grateful for the person who has taught me that. While the timing is not right to be with that person and maybe it never will be, they have shown me what it is that I want in someone, and I know that I don’t have to take the scraps of what someone is willing to give me. At the end of the day, I will be the happiest single person in the world if I never get married because I will get to live my life through my decisions that make me happy. If I do find a partner, I know that I will also be happy because I will be with someone who adds to my life, and I will be with someone whose personality compliments my own. I will not use them to try to find my own value through being with them because relationships do not automatically equate happiness or add to your value. Knowing who you are and what you’re about will help to save you from the false narrative that it does. All of this is to say that I am not in a race to check off boxes, so I don’t feel scared about starting a new decade in the place where I am. I feel so young still, and I cannot wait to see what is yet to come. Again, I believe in delayed gratification. There is no rush because the things that I want to have in my life haven’t arrived yet. Regardless of what comes my way, I see myself showered in love and happiness, and I look forward to being able to share that with the people in my life. No matter how that looks. 

Yes, I am unbelievably cheesy, but I know that I have a good life, and I love the future that I see for myself in all the possible configurations! 

Day Five – June 9, 2023

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD! Yes, my dad’s birthday is the day before mine. I always joke that it’s very fitting of my personality that I would wait 45 minutes into the next day to ensure that I have my own day and don’t share it with anyone else. I also have recently learned about numerology, and per my birthday numbers I have an 11 life path, which I feel like also is very fitting for me, and if I was born those 45 minutes earlier, I would have a 1 life path, and that wouldn’t fit who I am and what I am doing here. (I am accepting my place as an eccentric human as I am getting older. I have no shame in the things I find interesting!) But anyways, back to my dad. I think he is a gentle human who is so kind and light. I can’t wait to see our relationship grow over the upcoming years, especially in light of everything that has happened in recent months. I love him, and I hope that he has been able to do something special today because he is magical and deserves to be celebrated for existing! Today, Elizabeth kept mentioning how much our dad would have loved this trip, and I said that every time I go somewhere I think of how much my dad would love it. Maybe in the coming years, we will get to be travel companions because I plan a lot of trips to places my dad would absolutely adore. Maybe in the future, we will become one of those families that plan extravagant trips. I would really love that. 

For today, Elizabeth set the alarm for 7:10 because we had to get to our excursion by 8 am. She didn’t feel super well last night from all the food from our dinner, so she woke up a little bit before that. We got ready and headed for breakfast, and then we left the boat for the day. I decided that we were going to go zip lining, and we were able to do 10 courses through the woods and over a waterfall. Our guides were really funny, and for each of the lines, we had a different task we had to complete. One was to steer, and I honestly was pretty good at steering (choosing the direction I wanted to face when going down the zip line). We did an upside down one, and at the station we had to have a nickname to go over the walkie talkie because it was too far to actually see the end from the start platform. Last night at dinner, the photographer called Elizabeth the Queen and I was the Princess, so I decided that we had to include those in our nicknames. When I got to the end, they asked about the name, and I said that the photographer called us that, but also Elizabeth likes to call me a princess when she thinks I am asking for too much when I really am not. For context, there was a day when she was managing Custard when I asked her if she could get the schedule out sooner because a lot of workers were getting annoyed at how late she was putting it out, and she told me that I was being a princess. That night, I went to the bar with Ryan (my cousin) and Megan (my good friend), and my aunt made Ryan DD for me, which now when I tell people that Ryan served as DD for me, I always get the response of "YOU HAVE TO BE MESSING WITH ME!” as they look between us both in shock! This was a unicorn of an experience and a memory that I will always cherish. On top of that, the entire night, I kept drunkenly telling Megan, “She called me a princess!” Apparently, Elizabeth has completely forgotten this exchange because she said that she has never called me a princess before… I was heated that night, and it is burned in my memory for the rest of my life! But back to the zip line… It was really fun to go through the woods because when I went ziplining on my senior year spring break, we did a course that wasn’t really scenic. It was basically just a course set up that wasn’t anything special. This was much more scenic and entertaining to complete! 

On the way back from the zip line, we decided to get off the bus at town, so we went to get coffee from a local coffee shop. It was the best coffee I have had over this trip. It was drip coffee with caramel and cream, the way that I enjoy my coffee. It was not bitter or something that I wanted to throw away. I drank the entire cup! After our coffee, we decided to walk to the Gold Rush Cemetery and the Lower Reid Falls, which we were told by our bus driver that they were well worth the trip to see. It was 1.7 miles from the coffee shop, and we could have ridden a bus for $5, but we decided that we should work off some of our food from yesterday and chose to go for this walk instead of going to the gym. When we got to the cemetery, we kind of quickly walked around. There are only two families that used the cemetery after the early 1900s. I saw one for the 1940s, but other than that everything was before 1904. The plaques were made of wood and had the information painted on them. This cemetery was at the bottom area of the path to go to the waterfall. The actual walk to the waterfall was quite short, but it was scenic. When we got to the falls, it was a really beautiful view to take in. My phone said there was a path to take to the Upper Reid Falls, but there wasn’t an actual path to take and there was a sign that said there wasn’t a path to go to see the upper falls. We attempted to walk around to see if there was another trail, but it just took us to the parking lot. (Elizabeth took some photos since I have deemed her our photographer for the trip… mostly because my phone’s camera is less than impressive, so even if I wanted to take photos, which I don’t, they wouldn’t turn out looking super great anyways!) 

After our trail walk, we saw a bus that was filled with dogs! Elizabeth made us run it down because she was so excited about it. Apparently, the company is originally from the Grand Rapids area, but they moved to Alaska and have a dog daycare. They pick up the dogs on a bus, take them on a hike, and then take them home again. It was really adorable to see them all strapped into their seats, pretending like they’re little children. After we chatted with the owner, we were pretty hungry, so we went to the Red Onion, which was a former brothel. In Skagway, during the gold rush, there were 90 brothels that were in use. For 15 minutes, men would pay $5, which was the equivalent to a week’s wages, to be with a woman. There were only 300 women for the 1500 men (or something like that), so brothels were very popular places. Elizabeth and I split a plate of nachos and drank some Alaskan hard cider. (The bus driver said that the only thing worth eating at the restaurant was the nachos, so we took her word for it. She gave her very honest opinion about the different restaurants and where to eat and where to avoid. I really love and respect people’s honesty!) While we ate, I saw that there were signs that said brothel tours were $10 for 20 minutes, and I told Elizabeth that I was going to do the tour regardless of if she wanted to do it with me. She said that she would tag along with me, so we had to wait a little bit before the next tour started. While we waited, I read a few signs about the history of Skagway, especially information about the gold rush. I read that since it was so harsh, there was a law that made men bring a year’s worth of supplies before they would be able to enter Alaska from Canada. For the actual tour, we were given a souvenir of a garter and went upstairs with our guide. In the first room, there was a wall of photos of naked women. (It reminds me of a joke from a movie or comedian about how everyone is okay or happy to see a naked woman, but no one wants to see a naked man. The more clothes a man has on, the more attractive they become.) On the opposite wall, there was the original roulette table that was rigged, along with the red light that used to hang outside of the business. Apparently, in the bar, each woman had a doll that resembled her with her hair and eye color that men could choose who they wanted to get with. The bartender would lay the doll down, showing that she was in use. The man would then be escorted upstairs and pay his money, and then once the service was over, the money would go down copper tubes, making a clunking noise for the bartender to know that they were finished, and the doll could be returned to the upright position. When it was converted to a restaurant, they tore out the copper tubing (because it’s a fire hazard) and had to take the floor off. They found a bunch of trinkets that women had stashed in the floorboard, which were put on display. Additionally, each girl that came to work there got to decorate the walls with whatever wallpaper they wanted, and one of the rooms was covered in 18 layers of wallpaper, even though it was in business for only two years. There was a high turnover rate! (I am sorry for so much brothel information, but this was super interesting for me, and so I want to share all of the intel I gathered!) Skagway had electricity even before Manhattan did, so women would be able to use an electric curling iron. For it to work, they had to unplug their light bulb and screw in the curling iron, do their hair in the dark, and then when they were done, replace the light bulb back in its place. In one of the rooms, there was a 12 pound dress that would have served as lingerie. Each of the beds was a smaller version of a twin sized bed where each woman would sleep at night and also perform their services. Finally, there was a version of Lysol that was more potent than it is now, and it was used to wash up when they were done as a form of STD prevention. It is so ridiculous to me to think of the conditions of women because this job was a highly paid job but there were tons of risks that came with it. For only being a $10 tour for about 20 minutes, I feel like it was really fascinating, and I am not disappointed by what I learned!

After the brothel, we went to get popcorn from a local store, where they also had a bottle of Diet Dr. Pepper, so we sat on a bench to eat and drink before we returned to the boat. We arrived back and got through the little metal detectors. Since we were right by the bar, we also stopped for some afternoon pop and came back to our room. Elizabeth took a shower, and I sat on the balcony overlooking the mountains covered in trees as I wrote about our adventures from today.   

Once Elizabeth was done showering, we decided to go to dinner. The dining room was not very busy today. While we did not have the same server from last night, we were in the area right next to his. I ordered three appetizers again today: a Greek salad that was mostly just vegetables, veggie spring rolls, and a pulled BBQ slider. They all were really good. The slider was by far the best of the three though. For dinner, I ate salmon, but I was extremely full from the many appetizers that I did not finish all of it. For dessert, I ordered cheesecake. The server from yesterday was concerned that we might not have enough food, so he offered to bring Elizabeth a second piece of salmon because she ate all of hers, and he offered to bring me a plate of pasta. While we waited for dessert, he brought us a plate with cookies, a brownie, and another banana split. Before our actual dessert came, Elizabeth’s “tummy was not happy,” so she left to go back to our room. I ate a portion of the cheesecake before I left with Elizabeth’s plate for her. 

After dinner, I put on my bathing suit and made my way to the hot tub. It had seven people in it, and it was pretty full, even though it had a capacity for 12 people... I genuinely do not know how 12 people could have fit in the space. Anyways, they made room for me, but I didn’t get fully in because there really wasn’t room. Finally, a few of the people got out, and then a few more people left, until it was me by myself. I got to sit in the warm water that wreaked of chemicals, as I took in the view of the snow covered mountains that were surrounded by clouds. I know I keep saying that it is breathtaking, but it is seriously so beautiful that I do not know how else to describe it!

I showered when I came back from the hot tub, and I am updating this again! Today is my last day of my 20s, and I am so unbelievably excited to celebrate my birthday tomorrow! I am so unbelievably grateful that my mother brought me into this world and sacrificed her body for me to be here. I would not be me without her, and I could not exist without her. (I feel hesitant to write about her because I know that my family is all in different places when it comes to their relationship with her, and I know that they get frustrated with me when I talk negatively of her, but this is my writing and my version of the story, so it is mine to share if I want to. I am sorry to my siblings and my father if you are upset with me for saying the following portion of this reflection.) It is hard for me to reckon with the fact that my mother could sacrifice her body for me and then tell me that she does not want me to exist in this world any longer. That she could tell me she hates me. And mean it. I will hold my vast appreciation for her while also knowing that I do not owe her anything in this world. Just because she brought me into this world does not mean that I owe her a relationship or never-ending forgiveness. This day is about my mom, just as much as it is about me, so I am reflective and appreciative of her. I can know that and be at peace with that, while also knowing that I will no longer be holding the door open for her, wishing for her to change and be a nicer person for me, to be the mother I wish I had had, the mother I deserved to have.

Day Six – June 10, 2023

IT IS MY BIRTHDAY! I would like to say that today has been amazing and everything I could want it to be, but today has actually been very emotional. When I woke up, I turned off airplane mode because we were in a port, so I knew I would have service. I saw that I had an abundance of text messages wishing me a happy birthday, and one of them was from my mom. If you haven’t gathered by now, my mom and I are not on good terms. The last time we spoke, she told me that she hated me with a laundry list of items of why. She threatened to harm me, and then she moved to attack me. The text was jarring and unsettling because she has not apologized for her words or actions, and I honestly know that I won’t ever receive that, even though I deserve that. As a result, my mother does not get access to me, and I have decided that our relationship is terminated. I understand that my mother probably meant well by sending me a message, but it was extremely harmful to me today because she was trying to gloss past what happened, and it made me cry. All day I have been pissed off at her for that, while also feeling slightly guilty because this woman gave me life. When my siblings and I talk about our mom, it has led to arguments, so I no longer feel comfortable talking about her with my siblings because we are not in the same place. All day I have been holding in my feelings and have cried on and off whenever I have been by myself. I am hopeful that this is the last birthday that I will allow my mom to ruin. Next year, I will have my stuff moved out of my parents’ house, and I will be in the next chapter of my life, so I will have no reason to have any form of contact with her. Her number will not be on my phone and will be blocked, so I will not have to be jarred by her sad attempt at making amends. I am writing all of this regardless of who reads this, so please know that if you are reading this, I am being extremely vulnerable. (I apologize to my siblings if you are reading this, and it upsets you. Again, this is my story and my feelings, so I get to share what I want. You do not have to read this or agree with me.) Over the past few years, I have been learning a lot about vulnerability and how it is okay to be open with communication because not everyone is out to get you or use it against you, so I am going to leave this in, and I hope that it is a lesson for others. I realize that my heart is on my sleeve and my face is an open book that anyone paying attention can read, but it is my thoughts and feelings that I have struggled to share because my former idea of family always used them against me to make me feel small. I am hopeful that my life is turning around, and I will be able to move on with my life and hopefully find a job that is out of state. I keep telling my friends that I feel like this year has been a transformative year where I cocooned myself from the caterpillar stage, and when I find my place, I will emerge with my wings outstretched, finally able to be the bigger and bolder version of myself. I will be able to finally be who I am and who I want to be, and I will not be held down or held back by other people’s feelings, thoughts, or expectations. I know that this version of me is chomping at the bit to get out and make herself known. I cannot wait for my confidence to grow because I know that my voice matters, but I have been too afraid to share it, for fear of the backlash and shushing I get from those who are not ready. I am ready, and that is what matters. I really hope that in a year from now, I can claim that version of myself and share her openly with everyone. This is the beginning of that!

Anyways, this morning, I woke up and did my hair and put on my “It’s My Birthday!” t-shirt! We went to get breakfast and left the boat for our whale watching excursion. As we left the boat, we were asked for a photo because cruises do that, and the photographer was adamant that we should because it was my birthday. We turned him down and told him that maybe another day. We found our way to our tour, which apparently, we were slightly late for, but luckily did not miss the bus. We were taken to a marina and got on this small little boat. Before we left the marina, there were SEVEN orca whales that were swimming around. One was a male, which we could tell because the fin was super long and straight. The guide said that there were probably two or three female whales, and the rest would have been calves. The captain and the guide both said that that never happens, so it was incredible that we were able to see that type of whale, so many of them, and for as long as we did. When we left the marina, we saw another group of whales that were humpbacks. They were lunge feeding and diving into the water. We were able to see their flukes, which apparently is like the whale’s fingerprint, it distinguishes the whales from each other. No two are the same. After we left that area, we were taken to see a sea lion that was sitting on a buoy. They were joking that he was huge, and they didn’t know how he was able to get up on the buoy and stay there, but apparently, he is always there and has claimed that spot. They said that he is still growing, and they don’t imagine that he will be able to keep sitting there for much longer. On our ride, we saw a few more whales. The guide said that this was the best trip he had ever been on. We saw more than most tours do. They said the conditions were optimal: the water was extremely calm and the sun wasn’t too bright. One woman on the boat said that it was probably because of me and my birthday that we were so lucky. She also told me that it would be hard to top this birthday as a result. 

After the boat tour, we were taken on a hike to the glacier. On the ride, the tour guide was talking about how destruction and disruption can be very good for the environment. He talked about wildfires and beaver dams, both of which are destructive cycles that pave way for good growth to come out of it. I am adding this in here because last year I wrote a poem that I will potentially add to this when I get home, but in my poem, I wrote about wanting to burn my life down and the good that would come from that, using a controlled burn as my metaphor. Last year, I actively made the choice to burn down my life and the areas that were making me miserable. I walked away from consistency and stability, and I ruined a lot of relationships and opportunities as a result. From this choice, I know that I am making room for new growth and opportunities that would not have arisen had I stayed with how things were. As for the forest, when there is destruction, the land is cleared, which allows trees that need a lot of sunlight to grow. Then as those trees grow taller, they create shade for the trees and plants that do not want sunlight to grow. There are phases of growth that can be seen over time. I feel like my trees are beginning to take root and over time, I will see the amazing forest that sits where the ashy remains have been. Burning things down and starting over does not have to be scary. It does not have to be bad. It can be healing and transformative, and I truly believe that this will pay off in my future. The hike through the rainforest was very beautiful. The land was very wet, as it rains a lot in Juneau. But also, the land is wet from the glaciers as well. Juneau raises about two inches a year as it comes out of the glacier, and it is constantly shifting. It is really cool to me that the glaciers are so old and are still changing the landscape of Alaska in the way that they do. 

When we finished the tour, we still had two hours left on land, and Elizabeth led us to a bar for a birthday drink. I had a headache and was tired, as well as upset thinking about the stuff I previously mentioned. She got upset with me because I was quiet and not in the mood to chat, clearly upset but not wanting to talk about it, so she went back to the boat. When I walked my own way, I stopped on the sidewalk to call Megan, which was really just a voicemail of silence filled in with “I’m sorry I am crying… I am upset because of [this] and I don’t feel like I can say it to Elizabeth because [. . .] Sorry that I am leaving this here and ruining my own birthday by being upset today. I wish I could just be okay and not let this bother me…” When I hung up the phone, I saw a crepe station and decided that I deserved a crepe because I was hoping it would cheer me up. I ordered a caramel latte and waited the 20 minutes for my Nutella crepe to be ready. I mostly just sat and cried to myself. (Seriously, I know I am the worst because I am crying in Alaska on my birthday… especially since I was so excited about it! Ugh! I have some work to do on myself and letting myself have nice things… but I guess years of having your metaphorical ice cream cone knocked out of your hand makes you knock it out of your own so you can monitor the disappointment… I am going to work on this and be better in the future!) The crepe was so delicious and the right kind of messy. When I was done, I came back to the boat and found that our steward wrote me a note wishing me happy birthday and our towels were made into the shape of a birthday cake! <3 I climbed into bed, texted Megan, and sobbed for a little while before I finally fell asleep for a nap. When I woke up, I decided to go and get a pop and sit down to write in my gratitude journal because I haven’t done that the last few days. There are some things that I wanted to write there that didn’t fit into my writing for my travel journals and that were a little more personal (yes, I know I am being extremely personal, but there are some things that are meant for just me). As I walked into the lobby, the man who went to take our photo this morning saw me and asked me how my birthday had been going. I asked how he knew because I had been covering my shirt, and he said that he remembered me from the morning. I was vague as one does when they don’t want to be a weirdo and offload on a stranger when they are upset when they shouldn’t be upset. He said that he wouldn’t pry, so I walked away to get a pop and find a place to write. As I sat there, I kept thinking of how that man had encountered so many people and yet remembered me. I felt bad that I had forgotten him and that I didn’t know his name, so I went back to chat with him and tell him that he had made my day. I did tell him a bit of why I was upset, and he helped me to get my head together. He said that I get to celebrate my birthday in a beautiful place and that I should not let someone else ruin it. I told him that I was trying to do that, but I was struggling. We ended up chatting for a little bit about where he’s from (Texas/California) and how he used to work for Disney, but the opportunity arose for this job, so he wanted to take it and has been able to travel and enjoy the ports. He gets to get off the boat every day and see what he wants around his work schedule. He also used to teach as well. As we talked, his coworker decided to give me a present for my birthday, which was a photo of his home (the ship), so I could always remember my birthday on the boat. I told him that I would let him get back to work, but I have made a new friend in Gregory! (He kept introducing me as his friend, and I kept introducing him as my friend. This man has been my favorite part of my birthday! A little guardian to reset my day and get it back on the right course!) 

When I came back to my room, I got ready for dinner. We were seated with our waiter friend again. Today, before he took our order, he brought us shrimp cocktails and caprese salad. Then, he brought us a piece of lasagna that was both an appetizer and main dish. He finally took our order, and I got an appetizer that was alligator, and it was delicious! Elizabeth got a flat bread. Our waiter asked if we wanted to try any other appetizers and if we liked mussels, but when we said we were okay, he said he wouldn’t bring us any other appetizers. For dinner, he kept reminding us that if we didn’t like our food or if we wanted more, all we had to do was ask. I ordered shrimp creole, and it was pretty good. For dessert, Elizabeth bought me a birthday cake, and I was told by one of the servers that I had to stand. Our waiter brought the cake, got everyone’s attention, and then sang happy birthday to me. I normally DESPISE happy birthday, but this rendition had me chuckling and smiling. He cut the cake and gave us normal sized pieces. He also brought us another banana split. I don’t even like banana splits, but I have consumed them every time because of our server and his energy. I love this man! 

Day Seven – June 11, 2023

I looked at my page count, and I see that it is 12 pages, and that isn’t including the writing from Day One because I wrote that directly into the Google Doc… DANG! If you are still with me, I appreciate your commitment to learning about my trip! I hope that you are enjoying this because I really enjoy writing these, and I honestly think this is a staple for traveling for the rest of my life. I want to get these professionally bound or put together in some way. Like a writing scrapbook. I’ll look into this when I return.

This morning, Elizabeth set an alarm because the port was short, and she didn’t want us to miss out on the day. We got ready, ate breakfast, and left the ship. Our first stop was to get coffee from a place called Local Grounds. It was really good coffee, and I consumed all of my beverages! We kind of walked around aimlessly for a bit and then found an area with a directory of places to see. We decided to walk to Creek Street, which was essentially the red light district of Ketchikan. There was another brothel that you could tour, but we didn’t do this one. I can only imagine it was similar in information as the other one, except I think this area had a longer tradition of prostitution than the Red Onion from the other day. In a museum, which I will talk about later, there was information that women of all races were able to make really good wages through working as prostitutes and women were actually most of the property owners and managers as a result. 

After we went through a bunch of trinket-y shops, we stopped into a bookstore because we love books. I purchased one called The Comfort Book by Matt Haig. I love a good cheesy book of advice, and I read through the first few pages, but decided to get it after reading advice he learned from getting lost in the woods. His father decided that they would just walk straight until they made it back to a main area and then could use signs to find where they needed to be. The author related this to life because sometimes you just have to take steps forward even if you are completely uncertain of where you are or where you are going because you are making progress and will get out of it by simply pushing forward. This is useful advice, and it feels very reminiscent of my past year. I feel like eventually over time, one day at a time of just going through it has helped me to find my way back to some signage that can help me navigate my life a little better. I’m on the precipice of finding my place once again, but I definitely needed to go through some things and some days were going through the motions, trusting that this was going SOMEWHERE. A side note, this story also reminded me of Allie Brosh’s graphic (kind of) novel Hyperbole and a Half where she tells the story of how her and her mom got lost in the woods. I highly recommend it if you have not read it. It is one of the absolute funniest things I have ever read in my entire life. I cry-laughed when reading it. 

After the bookstore, we went into a museum to learn more about local history. This area is well known for its fishing industry, but there was also information about dinosaurs and lumberjacks. One of the things that stood out in the museum was a video from a go-pro, so you could watch, essentially first-hand, as someone cut down a tree. Like in the air, attached to the tree that they climbed up with a chainsaw and other tools. The man used a chainsaw and then shimmied his way around to cut into the tree more and then used a wedge with an ax to topple the tree down. It gave me anxiety because I could NEVER do that job, and I am massively impressed by the skill and mental ability to take on that form of employment. I also learned that children in middle school in Ketchikan are required to do survival training where they are allowed to bring plastic sheets (? I believe it was a garbage bag, but I can’t remember), a sleeping bag, and then whatever can fit in a tiny canister. Most people bring matches. Since it’s easy to get stuck in the woods, they require their citizens to learn survival skills in case they need them. Additionally, it is tradition for people who eat in your home to sign the tablecloth. The signatures are then embroidered over so that the signature will never fade. From the museum portion, the last thing that stood out to me was a photography collection. There is an artist who recreated original photos from the town in 2018 to show how things have changed, and yet they are still eerily similar to the early photographs. I really enjoyed the photos, which if you have followed along with my writing, art is something that I don’t always enjoy. 

After that portion of the museum, there was another side that talked about dinosaurs. There is a sea creature that is believed to provide luck and wealth to those who they encounter. As a result, there is a sea dinosaur that was named after the mythical creature. It is the only dinosaur named using the native Alaskan language. What I found interesting about the myth is that a man was turned into the creature and provided good luck to others but became greedy because he was praised and adored. It is a tale of the fine line between doing good for other people simply to help others and doing good for others because of the praise that comes from it. I found this interesting because there’s an idea that there is no selfless deed. No matter the good you do, there is good that you get back. I feel obliged to pose a reader question about your thoughts on this topic, but that’s absolutely cheesy and ridiculous, so if you have thoughts and want to share, I am down for the discussion. If not, that’s okay too. I will refrain from answering this question because I think it’s a complex one that does deserve conversation to determine a stance. 

When we finished in the museum, we took a random path and took in the creek a little bit better. We ended up at the totem pole museum, which if we had planned our time better, we could have done, but we had to get back to the boat by 12:30 and decided to get some food before we returned. We made our way to the downtown area and went into a few shops. We were thinking about getting a shirt that said Alaska, but we couldn’t find ones that fit our desire. We stopped to get fish and chips from a stand before returning to the boat. It was halibut, which we knew we wanted to get before we left Alaska. It was delicious and well worth the short wait. On our walk to the boat, we stopped in another souvenir shop, where I got a sweater with Alaska on the front that was made from that super soft material (because it was similar to one on the boat but was $20 cheaper), a magnet about lessons to learn from the constellations (because I am a sucker for magnets and usually have them on my board in my classroom, and I AM DETERMINED to be teaching somewhere in the fall, so I WILL HAVE A PLACE TO PUT IT! I am shouting this into the universe and to myself, not personally at you, my reader, so I apologize if that was jarring), and a souvenir shot glass (this is the first time I have spelt souvenir correctly, and I am proud that I am learning something!). 

After returning to the boat, we got a pop, and I ate some more of my cake from yesterday. I decided to get ready for the gym and Elizabeth joined me. Then, I put on a long-sleeved sweater and my pajama pants to sit on the balcony to write this. Again, the mountains on the coastline are so ugly that you would never want to see them in your life because they are nasty, eyesores. (I thought I would change it up today because I keep saying that they are beautiful, so I am sure you’re tired of hearing that, HOWEVER, they are seriously the best view, and I am glad that I have been able to enjoy them every single day of this cruise. IF YOU GO ON AN ALASKAN CRUISE, YOU NEED TO HAVE A WINDOW OR BALCONY! IT IS A NON-NEGOTIABLE! HAVE STANDARDS AND TREAT YOURSELF!)

For dinner, it was an elegant night, but I wore the same outfit from the other elegant night because it’s longer than the other outfit I brought and it is still really cold outside, even though we are heading towards warmer weather again. On our way to our table, we were stopped for photos and obliged the photographer. He is the photographer who called Elizabeth Queen and me Princess. We stood in front of a backdrop and took many photos together but also a few individual ones. When we got seated at our table, we did not have our waiter, but we were near his area. Since it was a fancy night, more people were in the dining room, so it was a little bit of slower service.  I ordered three appetizers again. (For the record, we are eating a normal amount of food for most of the day and then I go crazy with dinner because I feel like it’s a time to try whatever I want without feeling bad about whether or not I like it.) Today’s appetizers were a pork tart (it was decent, but I wouldn’t order again), oysters that were breaded with an aioli sauce (not good in my opinion, much too fishy for my taste), and a Caesar salad (a little better than the other night’s, but I needed some vegetable in my dinner tonight). While we waited for our appetizers to come, our normal waiter brought us each a plate of lobster tail because it was an entrée, and he was adamant that we try it. It had broccoli and rice to go with it. IT WAS PHENOMENAL! When we finished, he brought us another plate, so we felt bad for wasting and split the meal. Then, our actual food came, which was spaghetti carbonara, and by that time, I was fully sated and hardly ate what was on my plate. (I also want to note that Elizabeth is ordering a normal amount of food, but she keeps getting roped in through my excessive ordering. I am a bad influence along with our server. He has just made my bad habit of over-ordering worse.) We had a coffee cake for dessert that was kind of like a tiramisu, but it was kind of spongy and wet, so I didn’t eat a lot of it. When we finished, I told Elizabeth we had to hurry or our waiter would bring us more dessert, and as we left, he told us he had been making us a second plate. This man has an evil laugh that is absolutely adorable. We told him that we could not eat any more after all of our entrees and he told us he loved us as we took off. I adore this man!

On our way out of the dining hall, we stopped for more formal photos. This time in front of a scene that is reminiscent of those pillars that open up to the grounds in Harry Potter. You know that space that is covered but is kind of outdoors. I don’t know what it would be called, and I also don’t think I am describing it well. In front of the backdrop, there was a piano that had two fake glasses of martinis and a rose. The woman kept situating us and took so many photos. My favorite was when she told Elizabeth to lay her head on the piano and the two glasses were on either side of her face, and Elizabeth goes, “Well I guess I’m an alcoholic in this one.” I laughed so hard. As we walked away, people had formed a line because they were really genuinely interested in that backdrop, non-ironically. We walked past the photographer from earlier, and he told me that I have a very genuine smile. 

After the photos, we went to the casino to play some slots. I started with $10 and lost it, so I moved machines, added another $10, won a little bit of money (maybe $5 overall), and then ended up losing it all. Elizabeth played $30, won a little bit of money (maybe $5 overall), and then ended up losing it all. Gambling is not something I personally enjoy. I contemplated cashing out when I hit $11 on my original $10 because then I would have won, but I decided to chance it and clearly paid the price. It blows my mind that so many people spent more than the 15 or so minutes we did in that casino. So much money was wasted by people. I will never understand the appeal of gambling. It is not for me. 

Now, I am sitting on our balcony in a blanket because I asked the steward for one. I am about halfway through my new book, and it’s honestly something I need to read at this moment of time. It’s a nice external reminder of the things that I believe to be true, and it is serving as a comfort to me, like the title suggested it would. There was a portion about words and how they help to make the abstract a little more concrete. They help to make your thoughts and experiences something external that can help you sort through. I love this because it is exactly what I think of language and the reason that I am so fond of journal writing. It helps me to dissect my feelings and interrogate them. It helps me to get my thoughts out of my head, so the same things don’t continue to bounce around in my head, obsessively. Haig said that there is power in writing something, asking yourself why and then writing the response, being as honest as possible (emphasis on the honest!), and I need to share this with you as well. Whenever I feel a certain emotion, I like to interrogate it. The more times you ask yourself why, the more you can get to the root of your thoughts and feelings and understand your own perspective or help to correct your misconceptions. I highly recommend this method. It seriously works. But you must be honest with yourself for it to work! If you are lying, you know you are lying, so it doesn’t actually get you anywhere. It's a lesson for all aspects of our lives. Sometimes you gotta face down the ugly truth, or else you are stuck in unpleasant places because you are too afraid of dealing with it, which leads to a lot of consequences that you eventually will be forced to deal with in one way or another. 

Day Eight – June 12, 2023

Today’s stop was late at night, so we were able to sleep in and relax on the boat for the morning. When I woke up, I headed to get breakfast. I chose to have a bagel, hot chocolate, and a muffin. Today I tried a new one that looked a little orange, and when I tasted it, there was a lemon-ish flavor with a mix of tang. I honestly don’t know what was in the muffin, but it was so good I brought one back to our room for Elizabeth to try. After that, we went to an information presentation about how to get off the boat tomorrow. We have a 9:50 flight, and we get to port at 7:30 and won’t be off the boat until 8, so we were trying to see how we can make that possible. WISH US LUCK! (When we booked, Elizabeth was very adamant that we would be able to make it because we were only thirty minutes away from the airport. I was hesitant, but I went along. I am also a very stressed-out traveler, but I guess the worst thing that can happen is we miss our flight and get on a later one. It’ll be fine.) Once the presentation was over, I packed my bags and then went to the gym. I went on the elliptical, but then my calf was getting sore, so I decided to venture to the weights. I go to the gym six days a week at a bootcamp style gym, so I know how to use the weights and equipment, but I get self-conscious when people (who aren’t the people at my gym who I see daily) can see me, so I am proud of myself for doing something that makes me uncomfortable! If you can’t tell, I am trying to push myself out of my comfort zone. 

Once I was done at the gym, I went to get some food for lunch and ran into Elizabeth at the adult’s only pool. After lunch, I decided to go back to our room for a quick shower while Elizabeth ate. Then we went to bingo! During the sales of cards, the cruise director was doing a Q&A session about life on the boat and working for Carnival. Apparently, if they need medical care on the boat, it is taken care of by the medical team on board or they will set up an appointment in one of the ports. The crew sleep in a dorm style room without windows. Most of them share a room and bathroom. Some rooms have a shared bathroom with another room. Some positions, like the cruise director, have a room with a window/balcony, and it is solo. They can ask for certain ports, but it doesn’t always get honored. I’m trying to think of other questions and their answers, but those are all I can think of at the moment. For bingo, we sadly lost. It was not our day!

After bingo, Elizabeth went to the gym, and I went to the pool area to sit and read my book. I only had two hours left in it, and I wanted to finish before this cruise was done. After a while at the pool, I came back to the room, and I sat on my bed listening to the story and playing sudoku. (I am an 80-year-old woman, thank you for noticing!) I need everyone to go and read Lessons in Chemistry. It is a beautiful story that made me laugh and cry in the way that only a good book can. This book is a part of my soul now. I don’t know if that makes sense, but it does to me. With the audiobook, it ended with an interview with the author, and she is just a thoughtful human. This book is just feminist lit to its core. It is one of the best books I have ever read and experienced. I loved every single second of it (once I figured out this was not a rom com!). 

When I finished the story, we went to dinner. Rolando, our server friend, was our waiter again tonight. After we sat down, a little while later he came out with a bunch of plates for us. He said that he had seen us coming and prepared for us. I LOVE THIS MAN SO MUCH! He brought us two plates of pasta (with mussels, shrimp, and calamari in it), shrimp cocktails, a serving of fried shrimp, marinated chicken tenders (non-breaded), and a plate of enchiladas (which was an entrée, not an appetizer, but it was on a small plate, so it was basically an appetizer). He asked us if we wanted to try the frog legs, so I said I would because I haven’t ever had them. They honestly taste like chicken. Not bad. We ordered chicken as a main course, and he told me we had to order something else with it because it was too dry, so we ended up with cobb salads and an extra Caesar salad. Then, we had a dessert of molten lava cake and baked Alaska. SO MUCH FOOD! We keep saying that we honestly aren’t eating poorly, except for dinner. The rest of the day, we eat normal amounts of food! I swear!

After dinner, we decided to do a bonus tip for our steward and for Rolando, so we went to guest service for envelopes. I wrote each of them a thank you note to put in their card. For Muhammad, our steward, I thanked him for being so positive and kind. Whenever we walked past, he would say hi to us by name. He would always tell us to have a nice day. Super sweet and cheerful. On the day at the fjord, Elizabeth and I were on our balcony, and he came in our room to clean and saw we were on the deck, so he came to talk to us and see if it was okay if he cleaned while we were in there, so we said it was fine. He stared out at the mountains and told us that he had seen a whale that day, and he was so excited about it! For Rolando, I wrote him a thank you for making our dinners such a memorable experience. I don’t think this trip would have been as amazing without either of them. At the Q&A, we learned that the gratuity option gets dispersed among ALL the servers and stewards. (There are over 900 crew members on the ship, so your tip gets very diluted.)

Once we did that, we got in line to get off in Victoria, British Columbia. Our stop was from 8:15 pm until 11:30 pm. A whopping three hours! We did not plan any excursions, but we figured we should get off the boat. On our way off the boat, we saw my new friend Gregory, so we took a photo for funsies. He said that normally he is obnoxious about calling people over to get his numbers up (they are supposed to take a large number of photos every day), but today isn’t a day that really counts against them since people aren’t really interested in getting these photos. He asked me why I didn’t stop to talk to him the past two days, and I said that it was because every time I saw him, he had been busy doing his job, so I didn’t want to bother him. I really adore this man as well. (I really didn’t think the crew of the ship would be such a huge part of what I loved about this trip, but they really made a difference in my level of enjoyment.) After the photos, we walked to the downtown area and really just walked through the city. There wasn’t much to see. A woman near us complained that it was a boring place and stomped back to the boat. I don’t know what she was expecting to see and experience at 8:30 at night on a Monday, but she was sorely disappointed. She also turned around before she really saw anything that wasn’t a house. I will say that it felt like a cleaner city than most I have seen, and the houses/apartments/hotels were all beautiful buildings. There was a marina, and looking at the water is always pretty. We walked past the legislature building, which I believe is actually called parliament. We went into a McDonald’s to use their wifi to see if there was anything we could do. As we sat, a man who had been stumbling around came in to catch up with me and Elizabeth. He told us he was sorry he hadn’t caught up with us sooner, but he was there now. He asked if we had seen his friend Bobby (who in my head, I was imagining Bobby Romzek), but when we said we hadn’t, he kept talking about random things that didn’t make any form of sense. He was definitely on something because he was unable to even remotely stand straight. He told us he would check in with us another time and left. Due to it being after 8 pm on a Monday, everything was closed, so we decided to head back to the boat. On the way back, we walked past parliament again, which this time had been lit up with Christmas type lights. The kind that are on each edge of the building and around each window. It was really pretty. 

I am now sitting on our balcony, staring out at the dock as our time in Victoria is coming to an end. We really wish that Juneau or Ketchikan had more time in port and this one was cut from their roster, and we will be making that suggestion when we receive our survey. It’s just a silly stop when there isn’t much to do. I honestly do not regret doing the cruise, as it was amazing to see all of the islands without paying to fly to each of them, but I also wish that we had had more time to explore and take our time in the places we visited. I still really want to go to the mainland for Alaska, but I will be satisfied in scratching off Alaska from my map of states I have been to. (Washington is not going to be crossed off because I did not do anything of significance in Seattle, except see the skyline and get coffee. Even though my only rule was that I had to spend the night in the city and be over the age of 18 for it to count. I think if I crossed it off, it would always have an asterisk in my head.) 

Side note, as I am sitting here writing this, people are obnoxious. There was a man who was screaming off a balcony somewhere above where I am to someone somewhere below where I am, and that person screamed back to him. Like having a conversation about nothing. Super weird. Then, someone a few balconies down just slammed their door shut, complaining that room service is too much. He called for someone to bring him a cup of ice, and it was going to be 4 times 8. I don’t know where those numbers are coming from, but he repeated it a few times in a pissed off manner because it was just a cup of ice! (I get that it’s not necessarily what you want to do, but the bar is not that far, nor is the deck with all the ice machines.) Some people are so rude and entitled on cruises.

Day Nine – June 13, 2023

We woke up around 6 am, so we could get ready to get to the line to disembark at 7, so we could hopefully get off at 7:30 when they said we could begin lining up to get off the ship. We luckily were able to get off the ship pretty much right at 7:30, and it did not take long to get through the terminal. We were in a car by 7:45 and to the airport at 8:25. Let me tell you. SEATTLE IS A TERRIBLY SET UP AIRPORT! We had an hour to drop off our bags and get through security and to the terminal before our plane was going to take off. Elizabeth and I were able to drop our car off, ride the shuttle, drop off bags, AND get through security in that much time on our way on Tuesday. I have done the same through Detroit for other flights. But in Seattle, Delta had four people at the baggage drop off area with a line that took 20 minutes to get through. THEN, we had to get into the security line. Security had two lines. I know you probably think I mean there were two areas of security, but I simply mean there was a line that you went through before you got into the actual line to get to security. One security area. Both lines snaked around huge areas of the airport. At some point, I noticed that there was a sign that told us that the security line had about a forty-minute time to get through. It kept adding time, and one of the workers said that they had no clue how accurate it was. By the time we got through baggage drop off and security, it took nearly two hours. We went to our gate, even though we knew we had missed our flight to then be told we had to go all the way back near security in order to rebook our flight. We were rebooked to be on a flight to Atlanta and then another one to get back to Detroit. The flight was supposed to be at 8 am, but it was delayed until 1 pm. While we waited, I went to Starbucks for a coffee and a breakfast (lunch) sandwich, and then I went to the store to get pops and a snack because it was going to be a long day. When we arrived in Atlanta, we had a little bit less than an hour between flights, but our flight unloaded in an A terminal and the next flight was out of a B terminal, so we rushed through the airport to make it to the B terminal. Once we got there, it was a flight to Milwaukee, and our flight was back in A, so we had to go all the way back to where we originally were. It was around 10 and all the food was closing, so we went to get sandwiches from one of the stores in the airport. It was bits of chicken in a wrap that was wrapped around the filling three to four times. Not the worst sandwich I have ever had, but it was definitely disappointing because our day was filled with missteps and unfortunate planning. We were able to get out of Atlanta and back to Detroit by 1 am. After collecting our baggage from the baggage people because our luggage was able to take our original flight, we took the shuttle to our car and made our way home. We arrived slightly before 3 am. I quickly got ready for bed and passed out. I woke up today around noon, and I don’t think I moved at all in my sleep, which is miraculous in and of itself because I move around terribly when I sleep. This entire trip has been exhausting. I look forward to having my body readjusting back to a schedule.

My last note to close out my trip is that I hope this next decade of my life is filled with adventures (trying new and unexpected things), as well as more confidence to take stands for myself, with the ability to know that my thoughts and voice are meaningful and important. I can't wait to be the bigger version of who I've been. My impact is going to be amazing. Just wait and see! 😉