Sound Of My Soul

The past two weeks have been hard for me, so I was not able to write anything that I felt was worth sharing with others. Last week, I was extremely emotional in a way that felt jarring. My hormones were out of order in a way that was foreign and unusual. This week, I have been physically exhausted. I napped a lot this week, and I still wake up feeling tired. I don't know if this is a universal thing or if there's something about my life that is causing this bone tired feeling. All of this combined together, and I just want it to be summer. These last few weeks of school feel very overwhelming.

Last week, I was introduced to Noah Kahan's new music. I know I was slightly late to the the news, but I saw a bunch of videos with Noah Kahan's music and people explaining how it relates to their specific type of experience. Then, I started seeing interviews with Noah about his music and this album in specific. I immediately had to check out the album because of the bits I was hearing from it and how I could tell it was the sound of my soul.

I have enjoyed Noah Kahan music for a while. One of my favorite songs of all time is "Stick Season." I loved it when it came out and my life was falling apart. Particularly the line that says "I'll dream each night of some version of you / That I might not have, but I did not lose." It felt very fitting because I had lost a version of my life that I had been building up and creating in my mind. It was a real loss, but it was also a loss of what I thought was happening and a made up, idealized version of the reality. This song helped me to understand the loss in a new way. There are other lines throughout it that also spoke to my pain. It's a beautiful song, and it continues to be a favorite of mine. I love how relatable his music is.

Then, I heard this new music, and I feel mesmerized. There is something about this music that feels like I wrote it. I haven't been able to look away from the music and the interviews nor have I been able to listen to anything other than it. When I get in my car, I turn it on. When I sit in my apartment, I turn it on.

I genuinely do not know the last time that I was consumed by music in this way. I read a think piece about the music, and the author shared that Noah writes about very specific things that people shouldn't be able to relate to because they are so niche, and yet the songs are so human and authentic that it allows for people to relate to it. I would add that this music is very vulnerable in a way that a lot of our pop culture isn't.

In the music, he writes about the feeling when you want to follow your dreams and yet you get there and realize that you no longer fit in the place that was home and you don't fit in the new environment either. He writes about the desire to have real and vulnerable conversations with those you love, and yet you are unable to have because not everyone is at the same place for the conversation. He writes about the feeling of being judged by others when you do something for yourself and yet doing it because it's what you need to be doing.

This album makes me want to write an analytical dissertation about the lyrics and the various perspectives the songs have. It is bringing out this nerd side of my brain because it is pure art. It is beautiful and nuanced and complicated. Just like life is.

On top of that, this music is relatable. I want to sit and have hard conversations, but I know that it's uncomfortable, and I come from a family that sort of sweeps it under the rug and moves along. We don't need to rehash the past. I feel like an asshole for moving away and starting a new version of me. I don't think I fit in either world, and I don't know if I ever will.

In one of the interviews, Noah shared that as he wrote this album, he shared it with his family to tell them that some of the songs were about them. He said that he was sharing it out of courtesy, but he was going to be releasing the music whether they felt comfortable or not because it was how he felt.

I relate to this idea of sharing with others out of courtesy, so they know that something is out and about them. It's unfair to release your thoughts without giving someone a warning. (See my PH saga for more details.) Sharing our stories and our perspectives on what happened isn't meant to hurt others, but it is reclaiming our experiences, and it feels like honoring that past version of ourselves by saying our feelings. It's never too late to reclaim our stories and voices, and it's never too late to reflect upon something that was hard or that changed you.

I know it's not unique for me to talk about how brilliant this album is. There are tons of people using his songs and writing think pieces about the work. It is a sad album, but it is the best album I have heard in my life. I highly recommend it if you haven't listened yet. Watch the documentary on Netflix too, so you can learn more about him and what went into the writing of the album.

Overall, I think we all need a little more authenticity, vulnerability, and humanity. More connection and honesty. It feels like that world is being built, and the more we share ourselves with those around us and embrace the messiness of being a human on this planet will make that authentic world a reality. I am tired of living in a world that is fake and judgmental. It's too hard to keep up with a facade. My mask slipped a long time ago, and I am grateful to see other people do the same.