Hell's Facial

Most of my life, I have had acne. What started off as forehead acne moved into hormonal acne that was cystic and deeply painful. It is overwhelming to try to sort out because there are SO MANY products that swear they are the answer to what you need. There is a series of items that each person needs to address their issues, but that series is different for every single person. No one size fits all. Really grabbing at solutions through the darkness and hoping that you find something to help.

For what it's worth, I have seen dermatologists, and I genuinely loved my Physician's Assistant. There are times when prescriptions were able to help me, and there were times when they really fell flat. Again, it's a game of reaching through the darkness, hoping that the right things align to help my specific issues.

Finally, I decided to see an aesthetician for chemical peels to do a deeper version of what I was trying to do with over-the-counter and prescription solutions. Each visit, we would talk through some products that would help. Through trial and error (and finding The Ordinary products), I was able to see results that were able to help minimize my breakouts and really heal my skin. Through the chemical peels, we were able to clean out my skin, so the breakouts were less severe and didn't add to what was already present. I was finally at a place with clear skin!

Since moving to Massachusetts, I hadn't found my replacement to these chemical peels. At first, I was nervous that without them, my skin would become a mess again. But it seems that at some point, my hormones changed. The only thing that lingered was my acne scars.

In August of 2025, I went to set up an appointment for a facial to see if they had some version of the facials I had had in Michigan. But when I got there, I had a consultation, and I was convinced to do a series of laser facials called 1540s. I was shown the results of people who had had much deeper and severe scarring and how the facials were able to really minimize the lines. I decided to take a leap and commit.

The attempt to begin the treatments was rough, as I had to be on antibiotics for recurring UTIs, and you are unable to do treatments on antibiotics. Once I finally was off the antibiotics, the machine broke, and we were unable to begin the treatments. It felt like I was being deterred from going through with the plan. Finally, in October, I had my first one. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. I had no idea what I was getting into. But then I continued with them for my November and December appointments.

Since their machine broke, they had offered me an additional treatment, and I was contemplating if it was worth enduring the pain a fourth time, but if it was going to make a difference on my end results, I thought it would be worth it to see it through and get the free one.

Today was my final treatment, and I teared up a bit as she took the hot needle and ran it across my face. My aesthetician and I have joked about how wonderful and fun the treatments are because I am not above gaslighting myself to get through really painful and hard things. I have shared that I typically think of myself as having a high pain tolerance, and she reassured me that I handle the pain better than a lot of people do, and I am able to push through it without taking breaks.

This brings me to my reflection about our society. There's the saying that "beauty is pain" and "there's a price for beauty," but why is it that women are the ones who consistently pay that price and endure that pain?

I know that acne scars on my face are something that I have been self-conscious about. I know that having acne is something that is unbelievable frustrating because people have to see my face! There is no way to hide it.

I guess the price to pay is that it does feel nice to get rid of a thing that detracts from your confidence. To be able to hide something that others might judge you for, even if it's not something you can control.

Even with that, I don't like how things that are normal and typical of human bodies are viewed as a negative. This goes with body hair and weight. Why is it that we have to change to fit a standard that isn't always natural and do so through painful measures?

I don't regret enduring the pain, as I see my scars get smaller and fewer. I know that this will continue to help my skin for the coming months. However, I am finding myself trying to find a balance of what feels good for me versus what is expected of me based on our societal standards.

If we lived in a society that valued flaws and imperfections, would I want to remove mine? If we didn't take an obnoxious amount of photos and post them for everyone to see, would I care as deeply as I do?

I guess we won't find out because this is our society, but maybe there's a version in the future that allows people to exist as they do, without the nagging feeling that something is wrong with them for not being and looking a certain way. I really have hope for a beautiful future where everyone is proud of their appearance without the desire to alter it.

Until then, my review of laser facials is 0/10, would not recommend. It is painful in a terrible way! But then I see my results, and I think it might be a 6/10 because within three months, I see a huge positive turnaround of my skin, and it makes the pain worthwhile.