Happiness

Lately, I have been dealing with the emotional shedding, and I have been at a cross roads with what I want from my life and questioning if I am where I need to be to find success and fully thrive. It has been a heavy year, and I have been attempting to make it lighter by releasing what is no longer meant for me to carry. Even still, the process has been emotionally draining as I sort the past and present to recognize what I need to be supported.

If we are being honest, this hasn't only been the last year of my life. This has been an ongoing process since 2020. It started with the loss of my friend group, followed quickly with the decision to leave my job. Then it was my unemployment stint that made me reshape my thinking on my worth while I grieved the loss of who I thought I was and what I thought I wanted with my career. Next came the loss of my relationship with my mother and all the fallout it caused with others who supported her (or at least those who weren't prepared and ready to stand up against her as I have chosen). Then, I had to face a new beginning by being in a new place on my own with the learning curve of a new job. One that continues to leave me both fulfilled and uncertain depending on the day and time.

Throughout all of the loss and pain, there have been excessive amounts of tears, and I question if I will ever again be someone who doesn't burst into tears in inopportune moments. (I hate how much I cry now, but I guess I get to release the feelings and don't have to repress my emotions any longer. One day, I swear I will have the discernment and ability to hold onto them when it's not the appropriate moment. I don't like feeling weak and having people think that I am incapable because my tears are too often too close to surface.)

In spite of the pain and tears, there has been joy and humor and happiness, and I want to focus today on the things that make me unbelievably happy.

The first thing that brings me joy is my niblings. George, Izzy, and James. Their little faces are so stinkin cute, and they are consistently my background on my phone because I love that they exist, and I love that I get to love them. I really want to be someone they trust and who supports them, even though I live far away. It is something I will work towards being for them, and I hope that I can be one of their trusted adults as they get older.

Another thing that brings me so much joy lately is my lady bug glasses. I have been pouring my Diet Dr. Pepper or seltzer into them with ice and drinking with a glass straw from other cups I have. It's such a small thing, but there's so much whimsy in it, and I love it.

Going off of that is obviously Diet Dr. Pepper. It's seriously the best pop on the planet. I prefer the cans, but I can do a bottle, especially if they are packaged at a Coke manufacturing plant. (In case you don't know, Dr. Pepper uses Pepsi or Coke plants to bottle their beverages, and you can tell which one has packaged it based on the shape of the bottle.)

I adore going for long walks, particularly when it's warm and sunny. I love looking at the trees and listening to the birds, but it is also my time to think and work through my issues in my brain. It's also the time when I listen to audiobooks or podcasts, and it really is a time for me to spend quality time with myself. (I really love spending quality time with myself. I am amazing company!)

Additionally, I enjoy working out. I go to the gym pretty much every day. I love lifting weights and doing things to build my strength. There's so many times that I surprise myself with my abilities, and I love that I have a consistent outlet for my stress. I have found a community for myself that is only mine, and I appreciate that I have made this part of my routine here, but I sincerely miss my gym people from Michigan.

Another thing that brings me joy is my adult volleyball league. Some of the people are grumpy and old, so they can be the worst, but there are other people who I have grown to love. It is playful, and I get to be whimsical and laugh and make obnoxious sound effects, and I get to be the full version of myself. It is one of the few places where I am the whole authentic version of myself, and I have so much joy every Wednesday when I get to play.

Finally, to keep my list from being too long, I love writing. I am good at typing without looking at the keys. It feels like a super power. I used to creep out my students by staring at them when I would type their answers, and they would be uncomfortable by it. I love that I try to think of different ideas every week, and I know that I am skilled at it, even if people don't want to read what I have to say. There's so many forms of writing I do, and I love that I have confidence in my ability to tell stories and articulate my thoughts. I really am brilliant.

It makes me happy that no matter how hard life can be or no matter how beat down I feel, I continue to get up and keep fighting. I love that I continue to show up and believe the best in people. I love that the world hasn't defeated me (nor will it ever) because I love my strong will and my belief in myself. You can count me out and judge me, but I am going to continue to try. I am going to lead with joy and laugher and love because there's no reason to be miserable when the option to be happy is also available. I choose to see the good even when it's hard to find because it can always be found. ♡