Summer Stephanie

The summer is coming to an end, as we head into back to school meetings tomorrow, and then the children move onto campus again, and classes start, and everything will begin going a hundred miles a minute again. As a result, I am reflecting upon the summer and how I have transformed in the past few months.

Originally, I thought about my friend Jon, whose summer persona, "Summer Jon" was introduced in a flutter of chaotic energy in June of 2019. Then, I thought about the versions of "Summer Stephanie" I've had in my previous summers. In college (and the years when I was long term subbing and even into my time at PH), I would visit my friend Leslie who lived and worked on Mackinac Island. I would drive the six hours and park my car. She would send me a pass for the ferry, and I would take the thirty-minute boat ride to the island, where I would escape for the week. I would bring her a fifth of Jack and a carton of cigarettes in repayment.

You see, my friend Leslie is my opposite. We met when we were in high school and worked at Power Equipment Distributors. Our job was to fill orders for our customers who sold lawnmower parts. At one point, we talked about how if we went to the same school, we would not be friends. We ran in different crowds. Yet, she allowed me to escape and become a care-free version of myself for that week every summer.

When I was there, classes and grades didn't matter. All the pressure from my job and my responsibilities were thrown to the side. I would wake up and drink coffee on the porch and simply sit for a majority of the day while she would be working, and I would watch as people rode their bikes past. Time was also spent wandering around the island on my own bike or on hikes through the woods; I would stop at my favorite places to enjoy the beauty. Once everyone was off work for the night, we would sit on the porch into the early morning hours, playing drinking games and laughing.

If I had to rank my top three places in Michigan, it would be Port Austin, specifically my aunt's kitchen island, where I would sit and drink coffee and look out onto the lake, watching boats come in and out. The Blue Water Bridge, where I would go to sit in my car and be alone with my thoughts and big feelings. Finally, Mackinac Island, especially that front porch. (Obviously those three places cannot be ranked in a real top three order because I love them all so much, and I have discovered myself in all of those places.)

While I don't find myself in my "Summer Stephanie" mode of my 20s, there is an element of it that has formed for me this summer. You can see a pattern emerge of my three favorite places being ones where I simply exist in the moment. I go there to reflect and decompress and question my life choices. Who do I want to be and where do I think I am heading? Escaping into the beloved and safe spaces allowed for me to listen to myself and be at peace. Contentment was always found in these places.

This summer started, and I was ANGRY. I was sad. I was at a constant war with myself because my brain and my emotions were conflicting. As a result, I chose to go inward. To seek help. To reflect. To exist.

Every week, I had two appointments scheduled - one for therapy and one for acupuncture. Other than that, I woke up when I woke up and went to bed when I went to bed. I read books (so so many books, surpassing the low bar goal I had to read one book). I made homemade jam. I adopted my beautiful daughter Daphne (my sourdough loaf), and I played around with perfecting my bagels and bread. I went to concerts (Noah Kahan and Boys Like Girls with Cute is What We Aim For). I spent this summer remembering who I am, what values I have, and what aligns with my morals/purpose.

Going into this next school year, I am keeping my head down and doing my job well. I believe strongly in sisterhood, and I am going to be the loudest and biggest cheerleader for my friends because I refuse to let anyone make them question their worth or their ability (especially them to themselves). I am going to lean into the joy and become the most authentic version of myself. That includes putting away my curling iron for the year and being determined to figure out my natural curls!

I keep telling my friend that she is the prize! That she is not allowed to be made to feel small by people who are trying to undervalue her because they are threatened by her brilliance and competence and ability. I keep telling her that because it is hard to hold yourself up when you feel like you're drowning, when everyone is telling you what to do or how to do it, or when people are undervaluing you so much that you start to question if they are the ones who are right.

This advice holds true for me as well, and I am working on retaining control of my power, especially when it's not inherently valued by those around me. You know me and my defiance, though. 😉 The naysayers are never right. They just don't have the vision, and if they don't get it, they aren't worth the breath to explain it.

My calling for this year is to help others see their value while also remembering my own. I refuse to accept a scarcity mindset, and I refuse to become part of the system that has been making me tear myself apart and feel inadequate and inferior.

When we have the time and ability to sit with ourselves and listen, our souls remember. It knows the plan, and it wants us to live the life we've imagined (along with other parts that we cannot even comprehend because they are so wonderful). My life, as all of ours are, is a work in progress, but I have loved becoming more acquainted with my joy again. Leaning into the whimsy and doing things for the enjoyment. It's been freeing.

I am nervous this bliss won't last, but I am going to try to continue being intentional with my time and running full steam ahead into everyone and everything that fill my cup. I can only control my actions and where I put my attention, and mine will be put into building a supportive, fun, and collaborative community. ❤️